Tag Archives: work

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?

it crowd 2

I’m trying to look at recent events not as a step backwards but more as a reboot. A year ago I had an okay job in retail, a graphic design internship at a magazine in Phoenix, and a boyfriend (albeit a dick of a bf who broke up with me like two days from now but a bf none the less). It seemed like I was finally getting my shit together and become a grown up. Somewhere down the line I got the bright idea to quit my retail job and focus on design “full time.” It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Cut to 1 year later where I got screwed over by a certain local ice cream business that hired me for design work, decided to not use any of the work I did, and still to this day owes me $200. Let’s just say they ain’t so sweet or much of a republic. I also got dumped by a second bf, quit what should have been a good job but turned out to be a nightmare, lost a beloved grandmother, watched my own mother lose her job, and suffered from continually deteriorating health.

Like I’ve said before, it’s been a shitty fucking year.

In light of all the tragedies, I’ve been thinking back to where I was a year ago. As much as I hated that retail job, as, it was the best job I’ve ever had. Yes, my boss was insane and frequently made me cry; yes, it was exhausting being on my feet that much; and yes, I never imagined selling plus size wireless bras was a skill…It still beats getting bitched out for having to leave town because my grandmother passed away or getting screwed out of hard earned money because you’re shitty business managers.

So here I am, one year later, 20 lbs heavier (I’m gonna blame stress but we know that’s only a half truth), 2 jobs down, 2 boyfriends gone, and going back to retail. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

I don’t want to think about it being a set back. I have come a long way since last year. Kind of in reverse but that’s not the point. I want to think of it more as a reboot. I was in a good place a year ago and I want to get back to that. Refocus on the goals I had a year ago. Get back in the pants I was in a year ago!

I’m going to try turning my life off and on again in a totally non-suicide-attempt way and see it that helps.

moss

 

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The Devil Went Down To Georgia

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve had nothing worth posting about. Still nothing on the job or relationship front. I feel stalled. Stuck. Sick. I don’t know what to do and I honestly feel so shitty don’t want to do anything.

Feeling an overwhelming lack of motivation I thought rereading The She-Hulk Diaries would be good. It was a nice reminder that setbacks happen and not to just outright give up. While it gave me some positive reinforcement, I still don’t feel particularly motivated to do much of anything.

Part of this might be due to the fact that, as I like to say, “there’s trouble down south.”

Not feeling well is part of my every day life. I have Crohn’s Disease and as an added bonus on top of that I also have arthritis. One delightful thing about auto-immune diseases; chances are good, if you have one, you’ll have another. Over the years I’ve learned to live with my body and just deal (a trait I inherited from my mother who has the same illness) but, sometimes my body has a plan of its own. For the last week or two I’ve been in what Crohnies call a “flare.” My Crohn’s has been particularly active cause a great deal of pain and frustration on my part.

Crohn’s is a delightful, sexy illness where you develop inflammation along the digestive track causing pain, narrowings, blockages, and a whole host of other wonderful side effects. As a former crush once said to me, “so basically you’re like an epic shitter?” In those less than delicate terms…sure.

Below the Mason Dixon line in my body there’s a civil war. My body attacks itself causing pain and Katrina like devastation.

It’s caused me to lose jobs, cancel dates, lose friends, miss school, pay through to nose for doctors and treatments, and overall fucked my outlook on life.

No date wants to hear about how bloated and in pain and unsexy you feel. The last thing you want to do while spending the night with someone is wreck their toilet. Farting while spooning is considered poor form. People get embarrassed when you go out to dinner and give the waiter the 3rd degree about menu items. Friendly outtings become a nightmare when you have to stop everything to find a bathroom NOW! Bosses aren’t inclined to believe you’re sick when you “don’t look sick.” “Why can’t you come in to work and just go to the bathroom” or “you’ve missed too many days already you can’t be sick again.”

It’s not that fucking simple! No one is dumping buckets of ice on their heads to find a cure for Crohn’s. No major celebrities back the cause or talk about finding a cure. It’s one of those illnesses that isn’t very sexy or popular. No one wants to talk about poop or vomit. Dixie might be calling but ain’t nobody answering.

I have always been aware that things could be a lot worse. There are those with Crohn’s much more severe than mine. I could be hospitalized with an ostomy and losing my hair. I could be down to 90 lbs and all by myself instead of having supportive family and friends around me. but still…

Being sick sucks. It hurts. It’s expensive. It messes with your head and ruins your social life.

I promise when I actually have something worth writing about I will, but for now, Crohn’s can suck my lady balls.

Me getting my remicade infusion

Me getting my remicade infusion

 

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The Most Natural Thing In The World

The last few days have been an ever worsening series of setbacks. My own laziness and cowardice are contributory. It’s so much easier to feel like a victim but these are demons of my own creation. If years of therapy has taught me anything, it’s that it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, I’m the one who has to solve my problems.

You can read all about my first setback in my less than stellar date Saturday. Felix wasn’t my only prospect, oh no non no, there was also he who shall hence forth be known as Davis. I met Davis on the same site that I met Felix. That should have been my first clue. Much like Felix, I wasn’t terribly blown away by Davis’ profile but was willing to give him a chance and chat. Second mistake.

Davis proceeded to bombard me with messages disguised as post scripts. Word of advice to the guys out there; give a girl a chance to answer your first question before hurling 5 more at her. This was my third warning that Davis was not going to be the guy for me. I mean shit, if you can make me look smooth and not at all desperate you’ve gotta reassess your approach.

Undeterred my all the glaring warning signs I decided to stick to my resolution and give Davis my number. He proceeded to annoy me for the next two days until I had finally had enough. The final straw was asking “what do you look for in a guy?” Um…I look for a guy who doesn’t ask stupid, insecure, hypothetical questions. I HATE questions like this. Or “if you won the lottery, what would you do?” I’d shell out money to a better dating site where the guys hopefully won’t ask me those kind of questions!!!

So Davis gets the brush off. Done. As does Felix. Done. These setbacks are minor in the grand scheme and the fact that I actually tried to date is still in the spirit of my She-Hulk resolutions even if I’m losing points for it. I don’t feel bad about these guys like I have with others in the past. They’re clearly not the one for me and I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

-20 points for dying a sad lonely cat lady minus the cats

I also quit my job today. It has been coming since I started basically but I was hoping to make it a little farther before giving up. Whenever anything gets hard I cut and run. This job was hard, the boss was a shady bearded lady, and publicly shaming me in an email to the entire company was the thing that done me in. Just because you end your email with a smiley face doesn’t mean it’s not super bitchy.

– 1 million points

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I’m still desperately trying to find health insurance and my expenses are going to be ridiculous given the number of birthdays this month. When it rains it pours and right now the sky is dumping buckets of acid rain on my head.

I’m trying not to be defeated by these setbacks. If we’re going by She-Hulk Diaries as a template I’m technically right on track. She starts off the book unemployed, single, squatting, and pretty hopeless. The only reason I’m not out on the street is because I live at home with my sainted mother who has put up with years of drama from me with no end in sight.

So. I’m going to try and look at this as the beginning of my book. After all, Shulky went through a lot of ups and downs on her road to self-improvement. Hopefully if I stick to my resolutions things will keep getting better. I’ll take losing a few battles now if it means eventually I’m going to win the war.

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