Tag Archives: style

She’s A Femme Fatale

I think it’s pretty clear by the name of my blog that I have a fascination with femme fatales, probably because they’re about as far from my own personality as one could possibly get. I’ve always fantasized about being this cold-hearted seductress, all sexy and mysterious; not klutzy and awkward, with a habit of over sharing in very public forums such as a blog…

She’s cool, she’s calm, she’s collected…she probably doesn’t have ketchup on her shirt.

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I love the idea of this Mata Hari-esque woman. This seductress who breaks hearts and gets what she wants. It didn’t exactly end well for Mata Hari, but she had a good run and she went down in history as the quintessential femme fatale.

Naturally, I enjoy representations of femme fatales in film, literature and music. Women like Eva Green* are bringing back the ideals of the classic, film noir femme fatale. Type “femme fatale” into Google Images and she’s among the first women who pop up. In real life she may actually be a fairly shy, private person, but on screen she can seduce whole audiences with just one look.

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There’s a comic that I need to get around to reading called Fatale. It’s a supernatural noir style comic centered around an immortal femme fatale character being hunted by a Lovecraftian cult, what’s not to love?!

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Probably my favorite femme fatale representation in media is the song of the same name by Nico and The Velvet Underground. It appeals to my folksy-flower child sensibilities while also singing about my favorite female archetype. As an avid stalker of Neil Gaiman on Facebook, I was delighted when he shared a video by two French singers doing an absolutely gorgeous cover of the song.

From what I can decipher with my high school French, these two were on the French version of The Voice, and I believe the guy won. Either way, they are adorable and I would buy an entire album of them singing. Watch the whole video. The end is so cute!

*I have a small obsession with the stunning French actress.

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I’m Just Gonna Leave This Here

In case anyone is stumped on what to get me for Hanukkah…

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Or just because you want to get me something. I’m a big fan of “just because” presents. I think they’re even better than birthday/holiday gifts. It’s something unexpected and thoughtful that someone gives you just because they saw it and thought of you, knew it would make you happy, and know you’d do the same for them.

Give someone a “just because” gift sometime. You never know when someone needs a little something to cheer them up. I love giving gifts any time of year. It makes me happy to see other people happy. Do something good and give a little gift to someone you love just because. That love will come back to you.

Do it!

Do it now!

Seriously, why haven’t you done it yet?!

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D-Day

Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!

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I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!

 

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I’m No Artist

As long as I can remember I’ve loved art. My mom says that even as a little kid I had a grasp of color beyond my years. She tells the story of asking me what colors some of the flowers in our garden were. Apparently when asked about the pretty pink flower I said something to the effect (affect?) of “its pink but there’s also blue, and fuchsia, and has some green.”

So I was a little know it all from the start. Not that surprising.

Point being, I have always liked color. Mixing paint colors remains to this day one of my favorite activities. Something about swirling different colors together, making an entirely new shade, maybe one that no ones seen before, it’s very zen for me.

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I’ve always painted and drawn. I was lucky enough to have parents encourage me to get messy and be creative. They bought me endless art supplies, and would sign me up for classes at the community arts center. When I was little I wanted to be like Picasso. I wanted to be rich and famous and have people praise my work. I wanted to be this cool bohemian girl with paint under her nails and splattered on her party dress. I wanted to be the toast of Paris…

At the rate I’m going Van Gogh might be more accurate…

Being an “artist” is tough.  There’s not a lot of money and you have to have a thick skin to take the criticism. I don’t consider myself an artist. I am far too sensitive. I get emotionally attached to my paintings and typically only paint when I am in a heightened emotional state. I don’t want to have to explain myself or my inspiration. I am afraid of being rejected or misunderstood. I don’t want people laughing at something I poured my heart and soul into. And bottom line I’m just not that good.

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My paintings look like the “my kid could paint that” crap. Other people have said to me that I’m not that bad and have even gone so far as to say they like some of my pieces but I’m always skeptical.

Coming into the home stretch of this bizarre experiment I need one final push, so I’m taking the chance. I’ve solicited help from other artist friends for recommendations on getting high quality photos so I can sell prints. Who knows, maybe I’ll open an Etsy shop where everyone will rate me highly and I’ll be the toast of Mesa!

In the meantime, anyone who wants to check out some of my paintings can go to my online portfolio. Please keep any criticism to yourself. It’s hard enough trying to share this side of me.

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Bruce Banner Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me

Okay, we’ve established that I have a LOT of free time. Last night I decided to spend some of that time playing on the fashionably enviable site Polyvore creating a wardrobe for She-Hulk. Because I can.

One of the many aspects I like about She-Hulk, specifically in The She-Hulk Diaries, is how she finds a way to balance her multiple lives and alter egos. Jennifer Walters is a shy lawyer while She-Hulk is the hero of Manhattan when the Avengers are busy doing other things. She’s tough and strong of course but she’s also brave in the face of danger, saving the world from Dr. Doom time and time again. Last but not least is everyone’s favorite party girl, Shulky. She loves to have a good time and isn’t shy about what she wants unlike Jennifer. A little loose, a little trashy, Shulky knows how to have a good time.

Clearly I have nothing better to do with my time. Clearly…

polyvore she hulk

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War Paint

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The more events and social obligations I force myself to go to lately the more I need the confidence boost. There’s only so many meetups you can go to before they start to bleed together. The people are all the same no matter if it’s “geek girls of Gilbert” or “sexy social sluts from Scottsdale.” I’ve started the ritual for myself of putting my “war paint” on before I go out.

I try to dress well and look nice for these things but that’s really fucking hard when it’s 114 out and I’m in the Crohn’s flare from hell! Waistbands are uncomfortable for me and you’re sweating in places you didn’t even know you could sweat. Arizona is a strange and miserable land. The Natives cursed this godforsaken land to burn in eternal hellfire before we forced them onto the reservations.

Or that’s my theory anyway…

So I dress like a hobo but at least I have my “war paint” on.

I’m lucky in that I inherited my mother and grandmother’s skin. Hungarian women are known for having very good skin and aging quite well sooo…fingers crossed!

Having such milky, perfect, alabaster skin I generally don’t wear any sort of foundation or powder. I used to love mascara but since I gave up on contacts and became permanently a member of the 4-eyed-club the Rimmel doesn’t make it in the makeup bag either so that leaves me with lipstick.

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So with all those other items ruled out I’ve become a fan of lipstick. I subscribe to the Kissing Jessica Stein school of applying lipstick. You’ll never find that one perfect shade. Never. The art of the perfect lipstick is a layering process. I start with a lipstain which is just fun. It’s like a magic marker for your lips! Then there’s a layer of lipstick on top of that. Lastly, you need a gloss or something moisterizing to finish off the look.

It’s a pain but the result is pretty damn hot and it makes me feel empowered. When I put my “war paint” on I am ready to take on the world!

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Image one via Pinterest, Chloe Dykstra, and S Moda.

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First Impressions and Poop Jokes

First impressions are important. That should be all that needs to be said on the matter but apparently I found reason to go in-depth.

I went on a first date Saturday night. 50 points to me! It was a bit of a mixed bag of good and bad first impressions. Lets call my date Felix. I met Felix online and this was our first time meeting. I wasn’t completely blown away by his profile but I was curious what a supposed 94% match would be like. Underwhelming. That’s what a 94% match was like. I didn’t expect fireworks but I was hoping to be a little more impressed than I was.

To start off, I should give the disclaimer that I hate being late and am usually early for everything. This really isn’t a big deal to the rest of the world but to me when someone is late it feels like they don’t care as much as I do. I know extenuating circumstances pop up but then at least text me and tell me you’re on your way or maybe apologize for being late.

Felix was only late by a couple minutes but enough to make me worry I might be stood up and feel like a loser sitting in front of the movie theater waiting. If you didn’t think you were going to be there at 8 after you got off work why didn’t you say 8:30? Instead of just sitting down next to me while I’m reading and waiting for me to notice you could have said hello first, Felix.

I spent 3 days trying to decide what to wear just to see a movie with you, Felix. The least you could have done was brush your hair and not wear a hoodie. It’s Arizona in July! Unless you’re smuggling something or you’re trying to hide a colostomy bag there’s no excuse to wear a hoodie any time of year in Arizona but especially in fucking July.

*Side note: I actually made the above colostomy bag statement. Not sure he found it as funny as I did especially considering he does not know I have Crohn’s. I admit this to be my own stellar first impression moment. 

It was Felix’s idea to see a random movie so we could talk and make jokes through it. I get he was trying to be spontaneous and funny but it ended up an indecisive mess with us changing our minds 3 times just at the ticket counter and switching theaters another 3 times once inside. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone but this girl likes a guy who can take charge when its called for. I’m extremely indecisive so I need someone to be the tie breaker otherwise we end up sitting through 30 minutes of Earth To Echo and then X-Men and finally Maleficent. It was kind of frustrating and for someone who doesn’t go out much, socially exhausting schlepping all over a movie theater pretending I wasn’t a little annoyed.

This is part of the problem with a 94%. We were maybe too similar on the indecisive front.

I’m trying to keep an open mind and not be rude to someone just because their first impression wasn’t the greatest. If Felix calls again I’m willing to give him a second chance. (Provided the next time is a well planned and timely date)

I feel really guilty for saying the highlights of my night were the monsoon in the distance and stopping by the comic book store for new She-Hulk on the way home. I adore monsoon season and I felt like my well planned outfit was a little wasted on guy who didn’t even take notice (Seriously, I’m not that vane but I looked good. A compliment somewhere would have been nice. Me making a joke about his stupid fucking hoodie would have been the perfect entry for him to say something about how I looked). So I took myself to the comicbook store to cheer myself up before driving home with the windows down, enjoying the gorgeous scent of creosote and petrichor.

 

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I Would Climb Jennifer Lawrence Like A Tree

I visited the Hollywood Costume exhibit at Phoenix Art Museum finally. It’s the last week and I’ve been wanting to see it since it opened but always found an excuse not to. Being more social and getting out of the house is one of my goals so I finally forced myself to get down there.

50 points to me and I got to see pretty clothes!

The show was very interesting and the clothes were amazing, of course. I thought it was interesting how seeing these iconic costumes up close cut them down to size as it were. Russel Crowe is a lot less daunting in Gladiator when he’s not 10 feet tall on screen. I feel like I could take him.

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I couldn’t believe some of the iconic costumes the show featured nor could I help noticing what people gravitated towards. People naturally flocked to get a look at Batman and see Andy Serkis’ suit he wore when doing CGI-things for LotR. Of course there was a crowd around Marilyn Monroe’s costume from Some Like It Hot and Audrey Hepburn from My Fair Lady but what I could not believe was that there wasn’t a soul around some of truly incredible pieces.

marilynThe whole of the grand period pieces from Camelot to Maria Antoinette was a virtual ghost town. And there must have been a great disturbance in the force for NO ONE to kneel before Darth Vader and Ming the Merciless! The crowds flocking around the Aadams family was a small consolation for the fact that no one bothered to stop an look up at Superman and Spiderman hanging from the rafters. The Dude would not abide the number of people walking right past his robe.

Upstairs, the Hollywood Red Carpet exhibit was a similar story of neglect and rubbernecking. Everyone wanted to crowd around Amy Adams’ dress because its grand train and pale blue color on the red platform begged to be noticed but no one bothered to stop and appreciate the incredible simplicity of Jennifer Lawrence’s Calvin Klein dress from when she was nominated for Winter’s Bone.

Granted I never saw that movie. It looked depressing and I generally make a point of not watching things that are going to bum me out more than I already am. But whether you saw it or not you can’t deny the shear perfection that was Jennifer Lawrence in that dress. Those who know me know I have a total girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence. I think she is stunning, talented, and a total spas.

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As a fat girl, I do however call bullshit when she goes on her rant about being “fat for Hollywood”. You’re not fat Jen. But thanks for trying to understand our plight. You have to wake up pretty fucking early to make the mannequin look fat and lumpy. Not to mention anyone prancing around on screen in nothing but blue paint has got to be flawless if they want to escape the harsh criticism of the press and hypocritical nerd trolls alike.

Regardless of if she’s full of shit about her size or not, I would climb that woman like a tree. I’m confident enough in my heterosexuality to say that but also willing to admit that if ever offered the chance to get with her I would pounce like a lion. Just so I could say I nailed Jennifer Lawrence. Who wouldn’t really?

Now, technically and actually for that matter, you’re not supposed to take pictures. Years of lurking in museum galleries and working in one have taught me how to spot a guard and how to look like you’re texting while sneaking a shot. I’m like a super nerdy fashion ninja! A fashion ninja who takes really bad blurry pictures!

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