Tag Archives: She-Hulk

Bring It!

2nd friday

To my surprise and elation I was approved to exhibit at Mesa’s 2nd Friday Night Out this week, October 10th. I will be there for 6-10 selling handmade postcards/holiday cards, as well as prints of my paintings! This is a major step for my Resolutions. I am so nervous but excited to see what total strangers think of my art.

Come out and support local artists and businesses. Bring the kids, bring the dog, dress up for this month’s theme: Nightmare on Main. Food, music, costume contest and much more! For more info visit their website.

Any and all are welcome. Stop by, say hi, buy some art, shoot the shit, pet a dog, get free candy!

Here is a little preview of the prints I will have available in various sizes. I’ll also have original watercolors available, a few original paintings, and candy!

blue skies are coming i-cant-help-it-if-you-might-think-im-odd1 cactus-flower-edit1 waters-of-the-purple-bleeding-hearts3

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I’m Just Gonna Leave This Here

In case anyone is stumped on what to get me for Hanukkah…

she hulk underroos

Or just because you want to get me something. I’m a big fan of “just because” presents. I think they’re even better than birthday/holiday gifts. It’s something unexpected and thoughtful that someone gives you just because they saw it and thought of you, knew it would make you happy, and know you’d do the same for them.

Give someone a “just because” gift sometime. You never know when someone needs a little something to cheer them up. I love giving gifts any time of year. It makes me happy to see other people happy. Do something good and give a little gift to someone you love just because. That love will come back to you.

Do it!

Do it now!

Seriously, why haven’t you done it yet?!

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D-Day

Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!

lemon-greatestnews

I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!

 

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Back To The Future!

Again, apologies for not posting more the last few weeks. It’s been rough being out of work, broke, and feeling so sick.

But I digress…(I’ve always wanted to say that!)

delorean

Recently, in a mostly joking way I made a post on Facebook to the affect (effect?) of “Wanted: awkward nerd girl seeks similar boy for cuddling in blanket forts and back rubs. Smokers need not apply.”

Most of the time my Facebook posts go unnoticed. I don’t make a habit of posting long, emotional, political pleas. I am usually pretty guarded with things of an emotional nature and I make a point of avoiding politics and philosophy at all costs in any situation but especially on the internet.

Color me surprised when I got a whole bunch of likes and comments, particularly from an old crush, lets call him Ellis Tesla for She-Hulk’s Sake.

I had a bit of a crush on this guy in high school and we were both teased by a certain AP history teacher that we’d be a cute couple. I did like him but he had a girlfriend and was way too cool for me. For reference sake, I’m Crispin Glover and he was Marty McFly/Calvin Klein.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

Like most people, we lost touch after graduation and only occasionally spoke via Facebook so imagine my surprise when he played along with my sort-of-joking-kind-of-not-really post about looking for a date. Remembering my She-Hulk, our main character finally gets to be with her long-time, rock star crush, Ellis Tesla. Well, I’ve known this guy a long time. I did have a crush on him. He was in band…For all intents and purposes I am enacting my own little slice of fiction.

So I took the chance and gave him my number on the pretense of “catching up.” We’ll meet up, chat, maybe shit talk some people we went to school with and see who we still talk to. It should be…interesting…I have no clue if this is a date or not. There was some pretty solid flirty texting going on last night but that could just be me reading waaaaay too much into things for a change. I could really use some advice from Doc Brown here!

Whether it’s a date or not I am counting it as a win for my resolutions. I am reconnecting with an old friend which counts but I also haven’t seen him in like 8 years so I’m counting it as a new person as well.

This whole experience is really making me take a look down memory lane. How much have I changed? How much have I not changed? What would my crushes think of me now? What would my friends think of me now? Would we even be friends now if we hadn’t met in high school?

Considering when Ellis Tesla knew me I wore pj pants to school, I’m pretty confident the 26 year old me is a vast improvement over me at 17.

I'm ready for my date!

I’m ready for my date!

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Danny Trejo Stars In Machete 3: Garden Gloves Of Death

They say “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” What does it say when you take a machete and hack your garden to bits?

machete_trejo_md

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, the only thing you can do is take a big fucking knife and hack away at it. More on that at the bottom.

Last week was a rough week for me. My anxiety was at a new high, I was all alone, and it seemed like nothing was going my way. Shit happens. I know this better than most. Doesn’t mean I don’t throw the occasional tantrum or get drunk and skinny dip. It’s my pool, I do what I want!

Where was I?

I felt even more pressure to have some kind of results since we’ve reached the halfway point of my little social experiment. I’ve been busting my ass for a month now, trying to improve myself and stick to my resolutions with little to show for it. It’s been a frustrating road.

Still don’t have a job, haven’t even gotten any interviews.

Still single and alone. Haven’t made any new friends, let alone met someone I want to date.

Still a blob on the couch. Haven’t been working out or eating particularly well. Might actually be eating worse than usual.

My garden is being eaten to death by bugs and everything is dying.


You know what I have done though?

I’ve tried.

I haven’t quit.

I’ve gone out.

I’ve gone to meetups.

I’ve gone to Doctor Who’s Day every week.

I’ve tried new things.

I had a great birthday.

I’ve applied for jobs in spite of feeling defeated.

I’ve seen friends I haven’t seen in ages and made plans to see them again.

I’ve talked to new people and tried to make friends.

I’ve been taking care of motherfucking business even when it feels like I’m getting nowhere sitting on hold and sending emails.

I started a blog.

I haven’t totally neglected said blog.

If this picture doesn't make you feel at peace I don't know what will

If this picture doesn’t make you feel at peace I don’t know what will

So you know what, I may not have something solid to show for my effort but I have done a damn good job so far. I have a long way to go. Anyone whose been to therapy knows you’re never “fixed,” you’re never done working on yourself, but you also have to cut yourself some slack. Admittedly, this is not something I’m very good at. I am by far my worst critic. If I talked to others the way I talked to myself, well…I’d probably be a lot farther in life actually because I’d be an Anna Wintour level ballbuster…hmmm…

In honor of reaching the halfway point and not completely giving up yet, I’m cutting myself some slack.

Yes, I may have gotten fed up with my life in general. I may have taken a huge ass knife and hacked away at the rat-king, ripping it apart like I was Machete on a rampage. I may have polished off a bottle of wine by myself. I may have gotten naked and finished that bottle in the pool. I may have even texted my friend a blow-by-blow of Sharknado 2.

This all may have happened in one day…It doesn’t matter. I’m cutting myself some slack. So what if I’m feeling a little more Shulky than Jennifer Walters. Sometimes you just have to let the beast rage.

It also bares mentioning that immediately after finishing this post I saw an interview of Danny Trejo on NPR. Here’s the link to hear how Machete got his big break and got his life together after a much darker past than mine.

http://www.npr.org/2014/08/03/337134637/danny-trejo-from-the-big-house-to-the-big-screen

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Bruce Banner Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me

Okay, we’ve established that I have a LOT of free time. Last night I decided to spend some of that time playing on the fashionably enviable site Polyvore creating a wardrobe for She-Hulk. Because I can.

One of the many aspects I like about She-Hulk, specifically in The She-Hulk Diaries, is how she finds a way to balance her multiple lives and alter egos. Jennifer Walters is a shy lawyer while She-Hulk is the hero of Manhattan when the Avengers are busy doing other things. She’s tough and strong of course but she’s also brave in the face of danger, saving the world from Dr. Doom time and time again. Last but not least is everyone’s favorite party girl, Shulky. She loves to have a good time and isn’t shy about what she wants unlike Jennifer. A little loose, a little trashy, Shulky knows how to have a good time.

Clearly I have nothing better to do with my time. Clearly…

polyvore she hulk

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When I Grow Up I’ll Be Stable, When I Grow Up I’ll Turn The Tables…

Okay for anyone who was either too young for the 90s or just has shit taste in music the title is from Garbage’s song “When I Grow Up.” Awesome song. Made even more awesome after hearing it on Warehouse 13. Admittedly I fall into the “too young” category to have truly appreciated Garbage at their height but I like to think I have pretty good taste in music and while the 90s were horrible for fashion it did spawn some pretty phenomenal music.

It’s a song I sing to myself when I need reassurance that someday I’ll be ok. One of these days, with the help of my resolutions, I’ll figure my shit out. Get a real job. Get a boyfriend. Grow up.

NewVillager’s “Lighthouse,” and Tom Waits’ “Hold On” have a similar effect (affect?) on me. I’m the youngest in a family of overachievers. I need a lot of reassurance. Sue me.

This need for reassurance was driven home yesterday by an extremely thoughtful gift and my own fucked up brain chemistry. Next week is my birthday. I’ll be turning 26 on the 26th which is pretty fucking awesome, but more on my golden year later.

My sainted mom, who will be out of town for my bday, wanted to celebrate this weekend and gave me an incredible illustration tablet for me to use while doing graphic design.

I couldn’t believe it. The thing is huge and must have cost a fortune. I was so overwhelmed I cried. I am so excited to use it but I feel like it also put the pressure on me. There are so many things I have wasted so much time and money on only to quit. Countless clubs, classes, and jobs, stained glass, grad school…The list goes on way longer than I’m proud of and she’s stood by me through every failure, every quit job, every cut and run. Graphic design can’t be another thing that I give up on the second it gets hard.

My mom is the kind of amazing parent who supports her kids no matter what. No matter how much trouble we got in (let’s be honest we didn’t get in that much) she’s always been there, especially for me. I’m the black sheep of my family and even at almost 26, where I’m still struggling to find my place in the world, she’s never given up on me.

She gave me this amazing gift free of condition or expectation but I feel like I have to prove that it’s not going to be just another wasted investment like the week and a half I was in Speech and Debate in high school. I want to show her I can follow through on something. I can grow up and get my shit together.

Check out my new toy!

Check out my new toy!

This gift is all the more motivation to stick to my goals. I’m accountable for a very nice piece of professional equipment. It damn well better be put to good use. You can look forward to many doodles attempted on my new toy as I learn to use it. Lucky you!

She may have insisted on celebrating my birthday a week early but her’s is TODAY and I’m gonna do my damnedest to make it the best 65th birthday ever. No one is more deserving of an amazing birthday and I love love love her with all my heart.

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Queen of the Nerds

So Saturday I paid way too much to sit in a bar in Scottsdale to feel inadequate. Keeping with my resolutions (which are basically the only reason I do anything anymore) I signed up for speed dating through meetup.com.

50 points to me. With this I closed out the week at about 300. Not too shabs.

The night wasn’t a total disaster and it got me out of the house for a couple hours but lets just say the selection of men to choose from were not aligned with my tastes. There was a wide range of “gentlemen” ranging from potential serial killer to so boring I wanted to gnaw my own hand off just to have something to do in the 5 minutes I had to sit there with them!

Where was? Ah yes, queen of the nerds.

I know I’m dorkier than the average girl. I never learned how to put on makeup, I like comics, I can name all the Ninja Turtles and their colors, and if I were ever the type of girl to have a “hall-pass” it would be for Kevin Smith not Channing Tatum. That being said, I though “geek culture” was widely accepted in mainstream society now? It was my understanding that with people like Robert Downey Jr. and Benedict Cumbercuddles staring in major films it was acceptable to let your freak flag fly and not hide what you’re a fan of?

Apparently not.

The main question people started out with at speed dating was “have you ever done anything like this before?” Why yes, I have. At comicon. It was a blast and even though I didn’t meet any guys it was fun getting to talk to a bunch of fellow nerds looking for love just like me. At this event, however, I can’t even remember how many times I had to explain what comicon was.

If I have to explain what comicon is to one more person I’m gonna punch them in the throat!

I couldn’t believe that so many people had no idea what comicon was. Almost as many people there who didn’t read, or like movies or watch TV…Fucking unbelievable!

To sum up my speed dating experience in Scottsdale; I walked away hangry with one match from a guy who called me Amy from Big Bang Theory. I didn’t know whether to be offended or not. I like Big Bang Theory. It’s an okay show. And I have respect for Mayim Bialik. She’s smart, Jewish, and survived being a child actor. Still. Before I even opened my mouth this guy was calling me Amy.

He was ok. Doubt I’ll hear from him but whatever. I was much happier going home to put on my Doctor Who slippers and my She-Hulk shirt, declaring myself Queen of the Nerds!

I have to have faith that somewhere out there is the nerd for me. Mutant and proud!

she hulk selfie

 

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Anxiety and Adipose

There are things I am incredibly nerdy about and I like to consider myself an “equal opportunity nerd,” with the exception of video games, tabletop games, LARPing, most horror, manga, and all things anime, and the gender inequity of cosplay…But I’m totally equal opportunity…

Doctor Who is my main nerdy vice, well, that and She-Hulk of course.

Anyway…

Continuing with my resolutions, I am trying to get out more and meet new people. I only have about 4 friends (that’s being generours) and they’re all married or in long term relationships that don’t require a 3rd wheel. I thought one simple way to get out more was going to my local comic store for what they call Doctor Who-sday.

I had only tried going once before with my ex who made my social anxiety look like child’s play compared to his. I remember convincing him to go only to have him breeze through the store and immediately back out. I was disappointed. I thought it looked like fun but left because I have low self-esteem I let him and his lack of social graces dictate most of our activities. Whateves, not like I sat through the ENTIRE Walking Dead series and creepy Korean mind fuck movies for him (I’m talking to you Oldboy!!!)…

doctor whosday

So months after my first attempt I decided to return. I would be my imaginary charming self and make a ton of new friends and flirt and get hit on all while watching my favorite show…Well I did get to watch my favorite show…and I think I got hit on by the guy across from me who decided to bring up Mengele and took my paper away to see what I was drawing…

Still…50 points to me for being social, I guess…

Captain Politically Correct was the only person I talked to there. The majority of other people were young attractive nerd couples and families. Most the people there seemed to know each other and socialized but as a new comer I didn’t feel all that welcomed, I mean aside from little Eichmann. Not one to invade an attractive pair of nerds nor really one for kids I kept to myself and got out of there as soon as I could.

I was a little disappointed after my 2nd Doctor Who-sday experience but at least I went. At least I took the chance to see what it was all about. I love Gotham Comics for reasons I’ll go into another time so I will definitely try again. I just may sit somewhere else.

 

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The Most Natural Thing In The World

The last few days have been an ever worsening series of setbacks. My own laziness and cowardice are contributory. It’s so much easier to feel like a victim but these are demons of my own creation. If years of therapy has taught me anything, it’s that it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, I’m the one who has to solve my problems.

You can read all about my first setback in my less than stellar date Saturday. Felix wasn’t my only prospect, oh no non no, there was also he who shall hence forth be known as Davis. I met Davis on the same site that I met Felix. That should have been my first clue. Much like Felix, I wasn’t terribly blown away by Davis’ profile but was willing to give him a chance and chat. Second mistake.

Davis proceeded to bombard me with messages disguised as post scripts. Word of advice to the guys out there; give a girl a chance to answer your first question before hurling 5 more at her. This was my third warning that Davis was not going to be the guy for me. I mean shit, if you can make me look smooth and not at all desperate you’ve gotta reassess your approach.

Undeterred my all the glaring warning signs I decided to stick to my resolution and give Davis my number. He proceeded to annoy me for the next two days until I had finally had enough. The final straw was asking “what do you look for in a guy?” Um…I look for a guy who doesn’t ask stupid, insecure, hypothetical questions. I HATE questions like this. Or “if you won the lottery, what would you do?” I’d shell out money to a better dating site where the guys hopefully won’t ask me those kind of questions!!!

So Davis gets the brush off. Done. As does Felix. Done. These setbacks are minor in the grand scheme and the fact that I actually tried to date is still in the spirit of my She-Hulk resolutions even if I’m losing points for it. I don’t feel bad about these guys like I have with others in the past. They’re clearly not the one for me and I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

-20 points for dying a sad lonely cat lady minus the cats

I also quit my job today. It has been coming since I started basically but I was hoping to make it a little farther before giving up. Whenever anything gets hard I cut and run. This job was hard, the boss was a shady bearded lady, and publicly shaming me in an email to the entire company was the thing that done me in. Just because you end your email with a smiley face doesn’t mean it’s not super bitchy.

– 1 million points

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I’m still desperately trying to find health insurance and my expenses are going to be ridiculous given the number of birthdays this month. When it rains it pours and right now the sky is dumping buckets of acid rain on my head.

I’m trying not to be defeated by these setbacks. If we’re going by She-Hulk Diaries as a template I’m technically right on track. She starts off the book unemployed, single, squatting, and pretty hopeless. The only reason I’m not out on the street is because I live at home with my sainted mother who has put up with years of drama from me with no end in sight.

So. I’m going to try and look at this as the beginning of my book. After all, Shulky went through a lot of ups and downs on her road to self-improvement. Hopefully if I stick to my resolutions things will keep getting better. I’ll take losing a few battles now if it means eventually I’m going to win the war.

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