Tag Archives: lifestyle

Because Feminism That’s Why

For a change I’m way behind the times but oh well…

I watched Hermione Granger give her HeForShe speech at the UN a while back and found it very interesting. Beyond just being pleased to see Emma Watson grow to be such an eloquent young woman, it’s always good when people use their notoriety for a cause. Some people have found fault with the HeForShe initiative and criticized it for not having a clear plan but you have to appreciate that it’s a start and hopefully, as it gains momentum, the steps involved will become more clear.

I didn’t always consider myself a feminist but I didn’t always know what the word really meant. I thought being a feminist meant you had to carry signs and protest gender iniquity. I thought you had to be a ballbusting, tough woman and I just never considered myself one of those. It wasn’t until I was older that I learned that feminism has less to do with being angry, and more to do with understanding. It’s all about choice. It’s about believing that women have as much of a right to choose who they want to be as men do. You don’t have to be a high powered, no-nonsense, executive woman to be a feminist. You just have to believe that you have as much right as anyone else to do the things you want to do.

wonder woman

I’m never going to be a CEO, but I’m also probably never going to be a stay at home mom. I haven’t protested against rape or women earning less than me, but I also don’t agree that women should be barefoot and pregnant, chained to the stove. I choose to be me. Me is more reserved in my beliefs and feelings. I have my opinions but I keep them to myself. For the most part.

How do I show I’m a feminist, you ask? I wear my Wonder Woman underoos when I have my period. Because feminism.

underoos

http://www.heforshe.org/

Donate, don’t donate. I don’t really care. But however you choose to express yourself, you be you, fiercely.

 

Also, FUCK totally sexist superhero shirts! Read this too: “Superheroes Make Shitty Husbands!”

 

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I’m Just Gonna Leave This Here

In case anyone is stumped on what to get me for Hanukkah…

she hulk underroos

Or just because you want to get me something. I’m a big fan of “just because” presents. I think they’re even better than birthday/holiday gifts. It’s something unexpected and thoughtful that someone gives you just because they saw it and thought of you, knew it would make you happy, and know you’d do the same for them.

Give someone a “just because” gift sometime. You never know when someone needs a little something to cheer them up. I love giving gifts any time of year. It makes me happy to see other people happy. Do something good and give a little gift to someone you love just because. That love will come back to you.

Do it!

Do it now!

Seriously, why haven’t you done it yet?!

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Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?

it crowd 2

I’m trying to look at recent events not as a step backwards but more as a reboot. A year ago I had an okay job in retail, a graphic design internship at a magazine in Phoenix, and a boyfriend (albeit a dick of a bf who broke up with me like two days from now but a bf none the less). It seemed like I was finally getting my shit together and become a grown up. Somewhere down the line I got the bright idea to quit my retail job and focus on design “full time.” It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Cut to 1 year later where I got screwed over by a certain local ice cream business that hired me for design work, decided to not use any of the work I did, and still to this day owes me $200. Let’s just say they ain’t so sweet or much of a republic. I also got dumped by a second bf, quit what should have been a good job but turned out to be a nightmare, lost a beloved grandmother, watched my own mother lose her job, and suffered from continually deteriorating health.

Like I’ve said before, it’s been a shitty fucking year.

In light of all the tragedies, I’ve been thinking back to where I was a year ago. As much as I hated that retail job, as, it was the best job I’ve ever had. Yes, my boss was insane and frequently made me cry; yes, it was exhausting being on my feet that much; and yes, I never imagined selling plus size wireless bras was a skill…It still beats getting bitched out for having to leave town because my grandmother passed away or getting screwed out of hard earned money because you’re shitty business managers.

So here I am, one year later, 20 lbs heavier (I’m gonna blame stress but we know that’s only a half truth), 2 jobs down, 2 boyfriends gone, and going back to retail. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

I don’t want to think about it being a set back. I have come a long way since last year. Kind of in reverse but that’s not the point. I want to think of it more as a reboot. I was in a good place a year ago and I want to get back to that. Refocus on the goals I had a year ago. Get back in the pants I was in a year ago!

I’m going to try turning my life off and on again in a totally non-suicide-attempt way and see it that helps.

moss

 

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D-Day

Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!

lemon-greatestnews

I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!

 

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Back To The Future!

Again, apologies for not posting more the last few weeks. It’s been rough being out of work, broke, and feeling so sick.

But I digress…(I’ve always wanted to say that!)

delorean

Recently, in a mostly joking way I made a post on Facebook to the affect (effect?) of “Wanted: awkward nerd girl seeks similar boy for cuddling in blanket forts and back rubs. Smokers need not apply.”

Most of the time my Facebook posts go unnoticed. I don’t make a habit of posting long, emotional, political pleas. I am usually pretty guarded with things of an emotional nature and I make a point of avoiding politics and philosophy at all costs in any situation but especially on the internet.

Color me surprised when I got a whole bunch of likes and comments, particularly from an old crush, lets call him Ellis Tesla for She-Hulk’s Sake.

I had a bit of a crush on this guy in high school and we were both teased by a certain AP history teacher that we’d be a cute couple. I did like him but he had a girlfriend and was way too cool for me. For reference sake, I’m Crispin Glover and he was Marty McFly/Calvin Klein.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

Like most people, we lost touch after graduation and only occasionally spoke via Facebook so imagine my surprise when he played along with my sort-of-joking-kind-of-not-really post about looking for a date. Remembering my She-Hulk, our main character finally gets to be with her long-time, rock star crush, Ellis Tesla. Well, I’ve known this guy a long time. I did have a crush on him. He was in band…For all intents and purposes I am enacting my own little slice of fiction.

So I took the chance and gave him my number on the pretense of “catching up.” We’ll meet up, chat, maybe shit talk some people we went to school with and see who we still talk to. It should be…interesting…I have no clue if this is a date or not. There was some pretty solid flirty texting going on last night but that could just be me reading waaaaay too much into things for a change. I could really use some advice from Doc Brown here!

Whether it’s a date or not I am counting it as a win for my resolutions. I am reconnecting with an old friend which counts but I also haven’t seen him in like 8 years so I’m counting it as a new person as well.

This whole experience is really making me take a look down memory lane. How much have I changed? How much have I not changed? What would my crushes think of me now? What would my friends think of me now? Would we even be friends now if we hadn’t met in high school?

Considering when Ellis Tesla knew me I wore pj pants to school, I’m pretty confident the 26 year old me is a vast improvement over me at 17.

I'm ready for my date!

I’m ready for my date!

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Danny Trejo Stars In Machete 3: Garden Gloves Of Death

They say “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” What does it say when you take a machete and hack your garden to bits?

machete_trejo_md

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, the only thing you can do is take a big fucking knife and hack away at it. More on that at the bottom.

Last week was a rough week for me. My anxiety was at a new high, I was all alone, and it seemed like nothing was going my way. Shit happens. I know this better than most. Doesn’t mean I don’t throw the occasional tantrum or get drunk and skinny dip. It’s my pool, I do what I want!

Where was I?

I felt even more pressure to have some kind of results since we’ve reached the halfway point of my little social experiment. I’ve been busting my ass for a month now, trying to improve myself and stick to my resolutions with little to show for it. It’s been a frustrating road.

Still don’t have a job, haven’t even gotten any interviews.

Still single and alone. Haven’t made any new friends, let alone met someone I want to date.

Still a blob on the couch. Haven’t been working out or eating particularly well. Might actually be eating worse than usual.

My garden is being eaten to death by bugs and everything is dying.


You know what I have done though?

I’ve tried.

I haven’t quit.

I’ve gone out.

I’ve gone to meetups.

I’ve gone to Doctor Who’s Day every week.

I’ve tried new things.

I had a great birthday.

I’ve applied for jobs in spite of feeling defeated.

I’ve seen friends I haven’t seen in ages and made plans to see them again.

I’ve talked to new people and tried to make friends.

I’ve been taking care of motherfucking business even when it feels like I’m getting nowhere sitting on hold and sending emails.

I started a blog.

I haven’t totally neglected said blog.

If this picture doesn't make you feel at peace I don't know what will

If this picture doesn’t make you feel at peace I don’t know what will

So you know what, I may not have something solid to show for my effort but I have done a damn good job so far. I have a long way to go. Anyone whose been to therapy knows you’re never “fixed,” you’re never done working on yourself, but you also have to cut yourself some slack. Admittedly, this is not something I’m very good at. I am by far my worst critic. If I talked to others the way I talked to myself, well…I’d probably be a lot farther in life actually because I’d be an Anna Wintour level ballbuster…hmmm…

In honor of reaching the halfway point and not completely giving up yet, I’m cutting myself some slack.

Yes, I may have gotten fed up with my life in general. I may have taken a huge ass knife and hacked away at the rat-king, ripping it apart like I was Machete on a rampage. I may have polished off a bottle of wine by myself. I may have gotten naked and finished that bottle in the pool. I may have even texted my friend a blow-by-blow of Sharknado 2.

This all may have happened in one day…It doesn’t matter. I’m cutting myself some slack. So what if I’m feeling a little more Shulky than Jennifer Walters. Sometimes you just have to let the beast rage.

It also bares mentioning that immediately after finishing this post I saw an interview of Danny Trejo on NPR. Here’s the link to hear how Machete got his big break and got his life together after a much darker past than mine.

http://www.npr.org/2014/08/03/337134637/danny-trejo-from-the-big-house-to-the-big-screen

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War Paint

warrior women

The more events and social obligations I force myself to go to lately the more I need the confidence boost. There’s only so many meetups you can go to before they start to bleed together. The people are all the same no matter if it’s “geek girls of Gilbert” or “sexy social sluts from Scottsdale.” I’ve started the ritual for myself of putting my “war paint” on before I go out.

I try to dress well and look nice for these things but that’s really fucking hard when it’s 114 out and I’m in the Crohn’s flare from hell! Waistbands are uncomfortable for me and you’re sweating in places you didn’t even know you could sweat. Arizona is a strange and miserable land. The Natives cursed this godforsaken land to burn in eternal hellfire before we forced them onto the reservations.

Or that’s my theory anyway…

So I dress like a hobo but at least I have my “war paint” on.

I’m lucky in that I inherited my mother and grandmother’s skin. Hungarian women are known for having very good skin and aging quite well sooo…fingers crossed!

Having such milky, perfect, alabaster skin I generally don’t wear any sort of foundation or powder. I used to love mascara but since I gave up on contacts and became permanently a member of the 4-eyed-club the Rimmel doesn’t make it in the makeup bag either so that leaves me with lipstick.

lipsticks

 

So with all those other items ruled out I’ve become a fan of lipstick. I subscribe to the Kissing Jessica Stein school of applying lipstick. You’ll never find that one perfect shade. Never. The art of the perfect lipstick is a layering process. I start with a lipstain which is just fun. It’s like a magic marker for your lips! Then there’s a layer of lipstick on top of that. Lastly, you need a gloss or something moisterizing to finish off the look.

It’s a pain but the result is pretty damn hot and it makes me feel empowered. When I put my “war paint” on I am ready to take on the world!

warpaint1

 

Image one via Pinterest, Chloe Dykstra, and S Moda.

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First Impressions and Poop Jokes

First impressions are important. That should be all that needs to be said on the matter but apparently I found reason to go in-depth.

I went on a first date Saturday night. 50 points to me! It was a bit of a mixed bag of good and bad first impressions. Lets call my date Felix. I met Felix online and this was our first time meeting. I wasn’t completely blown away by his profile but I was curious what a supposed 94% match would be like. Underwhelming. That’s what a 94% match was like. I didn’t expect fireworks but I was hoping to be a little more impressed than I was.

To start off, I should give the disclaimer that I hate being late and am usually early for everything. This really isn’t a big deal to the rest of the world but to me when someone is late it feels like they don’t care as much as I do. I know extenuating circumstances pop up but then at least text me and tell me you’re on your way or maybe apologize for being late.

Felix was only late by a couple minutes but enough to make me worry I might be stood up and feel like a loser sitting in front of the movie theater waiting. If you didn’t think you were going to be there at 8 after you got off work why didn’t you say 8:30? Instead of just sitting down next to me while I’m reading and waiting for me to notice you could have said hello first, Felix.

I spent 3 days trying to decide what to wear just to see a movie with you, Felix. The least you could have done was brush your hair and not wear a hoodie. It’s Arizona in July! Unless you’re smuggling something or you’re trying to hide a colostomy bag there’s no excuse to wear a hoodie any time of year in Arizona but especially in fucking July.

*Side note: I actually made the above colostomy bag statement. Not sure he found it as funny as I did especially considering he does not know I have Crohn’s. I admit this to be my own stellar first impression moment. 

It was Felix’s idea to see a random movie so we could talk and make jokes through it. I get he was trying to be spontaneous and funny but it ended up an indecisive mess with us changing our minds 3 times just at the ticket counter and switching theaters another 3 times once inside. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone but this girl likes a guy who can take charge when its called for. I’m extremely indecisive so I need someone to be the tie breaker otherwise we end up sitting through 30 minutes of Earth To Echo and then X-Men and finally Maleficent. It was kind of frustrating and for someone who doesn’t go out much, socially exhausting schlepping all over a movie theater pretending I wasn’t a little annoyed.

This is part of the problem with a 94%. We were maybe too similar on the indecisive front.

I’m trying to keep an open mind and not be rude to someone just because their first impression wasn’t the greatest. If Felix calls again I’m willing to give him a second chance. (Provided the next time is a well planned and timely date)

I feel really guilty for saying the highlights of my night were the monsoon in the distance and stopping by the comic book store for new She-Hulk on the way home. I adore monsoon season and I felt like my well planned outfit was a little wasted on guy who didn’t even take notice (Seriously, I’m not that vane but I looked good. A compliment somewhere would have been nice. Me making a joke about his stupid fucking hoodie would have been the perfect entry for him to say something about how I looked). So I took myself to the comicbook store to cheer myself up before driving home with the windows down, enjoying the gorgeous scent of creosote and petrichor.

 

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I Would Climb Jennifer Lawrence Like A Tree

I visited the Hollywood Costume exhibit at Phoenix Art Museum finally. It’s the last week and I’ve been wanting to see it since it opened but always found an excuse not to. Being more social and getting out of the house is one of my goals so I finally forced myself to get down there.

50 points to me and I got to see pretty clothes!

The show was very interesting and the clothes were amazing, of course. I thought it was interesting how seeing these iconic costumes up close cut them down to size as it were. Russel Crowe is a lot less daunting in Gladiator when he’s not 10 feet tall on screen. I feel like I could take him.

darth1

I couldn’t believe some of the iconic costumes the show featured nor could I help noticing what people gravitated towards. People naturally flocked to get a look at Batman and see Andy Serkis’ suit he wore when doing CGI-things for LotR. Of course there was a crowd around Marilyn Monroe’s costume from Some Like It Hot and Audrey Hepburn from My Fair Lady but what I could not believe was that there wasn’t a soul around some of truly incredible pieces.

marilynThe whole of the grand period pieces from Camelot to Maria Antoinette was a virtual ghost town. And there must have been a great disturbance in the force for NO ONE to kneel before Darth Vader and Ming the Merciless! The crowds flocking around the Aadams family was a small consolation for the fact that no one bothered to stop an look up at Superman and Spiderman hanging from the rafters. The Dude would not abide the number of people walking right past his robe.

Upstairs, the Hollywood Red Carpet exhibit was a similar story of neglect and rubbernecking. Everyone wanted to crowd around Amy Adams’ dress because its grand train and pale blue color on the red platform begged to be noticed but no one bothered to stop and appreciate the incredible simplicity of Jennifer Lawrence’s Calvin Klein dress from when she was nominated for Winter’s Bone.

Granted I never saw that movie. It looked depressing and I generally make a point of not watching things that are going to bum me out more than I already am. But whether you saw it or not you can’t deny the shear perfection that was Jennifer Lawrence in that dress. Those who know me know I have a total girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence. I think she is stunning, talented, and a total spas.

j law front

As a fat girl, I do however call bullshit when she goes on her rant about being “fat for Hollywood”. You’re not fat Jen. But thanks for trying to understand our plight. You have to wake up pretty fucking early to make the mannequin look fat and lumpy. Not to mention anyone prancing around on screen in nothing but blue paint has got to be flawless if they want to escape the harsh criticism of the press and hypocritical nerd trolls alike.

Regardless of if she’s full of shit about her size or not, I would climb that woman like a tree. I’m confident enough in my heterosexuality to say that but also willing to admit that if ever offered the chance to get with her I would pounce like a lion. Just so I could say I nailed Jennifer Lawrence. Who wouldn’t really?

Now, technically and actually for that matter, you’re not supposed to take pictures. Years of lurking in museum galleries and working in one have taught me how to spot a guard and how to look like you’re texting while sneaking a shot. I’m like a super nerdy fashion ninja! A fashion ninja who takes really bad blurry pictures!

j law back

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The Rat King In My Garden

tomatoes

As part of my actual New Year’s resolutions this year one of the things I wanted to do was start a garden. I’ve attempted in the past with mixed results but this year I was determined. To start things off I have to dig up a section the previous “garden,” and I use that term loosely, to make way for new sprinklers and a raised bed. This was not an easy task, made more difficult by my insistence to do it myself. Digging up virtually solid clay dirt and hauling bricks because I thought a nice little paved area would be lovely next the garden bed were not my best ideas. I suppose I could’ve counted them as health points given the labor involved. The pride I felt redirecting the sprinklers was only slightly diminished by my lack of an ability to get them to actually work. With the help of my trusty gardener, Francisco, the sprinklers we functional and I was ready to start composting.

For those who have never tried composting I highly recommend it. It’s surprisingly zen. I know why vegan-hipster-douches feel so superior now when they talk about their compost and how it makes them better than everyone else. I found myself falling into the same mindset. I felt so green saving my coffee grounds and dryer lint for a higher purpose. I got over my superiority complex pretty quickly though once I was ankle deep in decomposing food and mud and dripping with sweat. Rather than be a snob about it I started referring to my plot at the garbage heap, channeling childhood memories of Madame Marjory Trash Heap of Fraggle Rock fame.

After weeks of tenderly caring for my garbage heap I was finally ready to plant. Living in Arizona it gets hot by February so I knew I had to act fast if I wanted my plants to stand half a chance out there. everything started out so small and delicate. I didn’t think anything would survive my black thumb.

garden beginning

As it turns out my worries were unfounded.  “The trash heap has spoken!” And she said I would have a phenomenal garden! I have more tomatoes than I know what to do with now and a zucchini plant that resembles a rat king more than a vegetable.

garden

My garden is now the place I go when my day is stressing me out. I look forward to seeing what’s ripe and ready to be picked. I find peace pulling weeds and whispering sweet nothings to my eggplant. It helps my anxiety and gives me something to focus on and be proud of.

I highly recommend every start a garden. You’ll find peace and beauty and fulfillment and you’ll get tomatoes.

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