Tag Archives: goals

Bring It!

2nd friday

To my surprise and elation I was approved to exhibit at Mesa’s 2nd Friday Night Out this week, October 10th. I will be there for 6-10 selling handmade postcards/holiday cards, as well as prints of my paintings! This is a major step for my Resolutions. I am so nervous but excited to see what total strangers think of my art.

Come out and support local artists and businesses. Bring the kids, bring the dog, dress up for this month’s theme: Nightmare on Main. Food, music, costume contest and much more! For more info visit their website.

Any and all are welcome. Stop by, say hi, buy some art, shoot the shit, pet a dog, get free candy!

Here is a little preview of the prints I will have available in various sizes. I’ll also have original watercolors available, a few original paintings, and candy!

blue skies are coming i-cant-help-it-if-you-might-think-im-odd1 cactus-flower-edit1 waters-of-the-purple-bleeding-hearts3

2 Comments

Filed under Art, Blog, Crafting, Life

Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?

it crowd 2

I’m trying to look at recent events not as a step backwards but more as a reboot. A year ago I had an okay job in retail, a graphic design internship at a magazine in Phoenix, and a boyfriend (albeit a dick of a bf who broke up with me like two days from now but a bf none the less). It seemed like I was finally getting my shit together and become a grown up. Somewhere down the line I got the bright idea to quit my retail job and focus on design “full time.” It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Cut to 1 year later where I got screwed over by a certain local ice cream business that hired me for design work, decided to not use any of the work I did, and still to this day owes me $200. Let’s just say they ain’t so sweet or much of a republic. I also got dumped by a second bf, quit what should have been a good job but turned out to be a nightmare, lost a beloved grandmother, watched my own mother lose her job, and suffered from continually deteriorating health.

Like I’ve said before, it’s been a shitty fucking year.

In light of all the tragedies, I’ve been thinking back to where I was a year ago. As much as I hated that retail job, as, it was the best job I’ve ever had. Yes, my boss was insane and frequently made me cry; yes, it was exhausting being on my feet that much; and yes, I never imagined selling plus size wireless bras was a skill…It still beats getting bitched out for having to leave town because my grandmother passed away or getting screwed out of hard earned money because you’re shitty business managers.

So here I am, one year later, 20 lbs heavier (I’m gonna blame stress but we know that’s only a half truth), 2 jobs down, 2 boyfriends gone, and going back to retail. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

I don’t want to think about it being a set back. I have come a long way since last year. Kind of in reverse but that’s not the point. I want to think of it more as a reboot. I was in a good place a year ago and I want to get back to that. Refocus on the goals I had a year ago. Get back in the pants I was in a year ago!

I’m going to try turning my life off and on again in a totally non-suicide-attempt way and see it that helps.

moss

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Blog, Life

D-Day

Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!

lemon-greatestnews

I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Blog, Books, Life

Danny Trejo Stars In Machete 3: Garden Gloves Of Death

They say “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” What does it say when you take a machete and hack your garden to bits?

machete_trejo_md

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, the only thing you can do is take a big fucking knife and hack away at it. More on that at the bottom.

Last week was a rough week for me. My anxiety was at a new high, I was all alone, and it seemed like nothing was going my way. Shit happens. I know this better than most. Doesn’t mean I don’t throw the occasional tantrum or get drunk and skinny dip. It’s my pool, I do what I want!

Where was I?

I felt even more pressure to have some kind of results since we’ve reached the halfway point of my little social experiment. I’ve been busting my ass for a month now, trying to improve myself and stick to my resolutions with little to show for it. It’s been a frustrating road.

Still don’t have a job, haven’t even gotten any interviews.

Still single and alone. Haven’t made any new friends, let alone met someone I want to date.

Still a blob on the couch. Haven’t been working out or eating particularly well. Might actually be eating worse than usual.

My garden is being eaten to death by bugs and everything is dying.


You know what I have done though?

I’ve tried.

I haven’t quit.

I’ve gone out.

I’ve gone to meetups.

I’ve gone to Doctor Who’s Day every week.

I’ve tried new things.

I had a great birthday.

I’ve applied for jobs in spite of feeling defeated.

I’ve seen friends I haven’t seen in ages and made plans to see them again.

I’ve talked to new people and tried to make friends.

I’ve been taking care of motherfucking business even when it feels like I’m getting nowhere sitting on hold and sending emails.

I started a blog.

I haven’t totally neglected said blog.

If this picture doesn't make you feel at peace I don't know what will

If this picture doesn’t make you feel at peace I don’t know what will

So you know what, I may not have something solid to show for my effort but I have done a damn good job so far. I have a long way to go. Anyone whose been to therapy knows you’re never “fixed,” you’re never done working on yourself, but you also have to cut yourself some slack. Admittedly, this is not something I’m very good at. I am by far my worst critic. If I talked to others the way I talked to myself, well…I’d probably be a lot farther in life actually because I’d be an Anna Wintour level ballbuster…hmmm…

In honor of reaching the halfway point and not completely giving up yet, I’m cutting myself some slack.

Yes, I may have gotten fed up with my life in general. I may have taken a huge ass knife and hacked away at the rat-king, ripping it apart like I was Machete on a rampage. I may have polished off a bottle of wine by myself. I may have gotten naked and finished that bottle in the pool. I may have even texted my friend a blow-by-blow of Sharknado 2.

This all may have happened in one day…It doesn’t matter. I’m cutting myself some slack. So what if I’m feeling a little more Shulky than Jennifer Walters. Sometimes you just have to let the beast rage.

It also bares mentioning that immediately after finishing this post I saw an interview of Danny Trejo on NPR. Here’s the link to hear how Machete got his big break and got his life together after a much darker past than mine.

http://www.npr.org/2014/08/03/337134637/danny-trejo-from-the-big-house-to-the-big-screen

Leave a comment

Filed under Books, Life