Tag Archives: fashion

I’m Just Gonna Leave This Here

In case anyone is stumped on what to get me for Hanukkah…

she hulk underroos

Or just because you want to get me something. I’m a big fan of “just because” presents. I think they’re even better than birthday/holiday gifts. It’s something unexpected and thoughtful that someone gives you just because they saw it and thought of you, knew it would make you happy, and know you’d do the same for them.

Give someone a “just because” gift sometime. You never know when someone needs a little something to cheer them up. I love giving gifts any time of year. It makes me happy to see other people happy. Do something good and give a little gift to someone you love just because. That love will come back to you.

Do it!

Do it now!

Seriously, why haven’t you done it yet?!

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Bruce Banner Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me

Okay, we’ve established that I have a LOT of free time. Last night I decided to spend some of that time playing on the fashionably enviable site Polyvore creating a wardrobe for She-Hulk. Because I can.

One of the many aspects I like about She-Hulk, specifically in The She-Hulk Diaries, is how she finds a way to balance her multiple lives and alter egos. Jennifer Walters is a shy lawyer while She-Hulk is the hero of Manhattan when the Avengers are busy doing other things. She’s tough and strong of course but she’s also brave in the face of danger, saving the world from Dr. Doom time and time again. Last but not least is everyone’s favorite party girl, Shulky. She loves to have a good time and isn’t shy about what she wants unlike Jennifer. A little loose, a little trashy, Shulky knows how to have a good time.

Clearly I have nothing better to do with my time. Clearly…

polyvore she hulk

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War Paint

warrior women

The more events and social obligations I force myself to go to lately the more I need the confidence boost. There’s only so many meetups you can go to before they start to bleed together. The people are all the same no matter if it’s “geek girls of Gilbert” or “sexy social sluts from Scottsdale.” I’ve started the ritual for myself of putting my “war paint” on before I go out.

I try to dress well and look nice for these things but that’s really fucking hard when it’s 114 out and I’m in the Crohn’s flare from hell! Waistbands are uncomfortable for me and you’re sweating in places you didn’t even know you could sweat. Arizona is a strange and miserable land. The Natives cursed this godforsaken land to burn in eternal hellfire before we forced them onto the reservations.

Or that’s my theory anyway…

So I dress like a hobo but at least I have my “war paint” on.

I’m lucky in that I inherited my mother and grandmother’s skin. Hungarian women are known for having very good skin and aging quite well sooo…fingers crossed!

Having such milky, perfect, alabaster skin I generally don’t wear any sort of foundation or powder. I used to love mascara but since I gave up on contacts and became permanently a member of the 4-eyed-club the Rimmel doesn’t make it in the makeup bag either so that leaves me with lipstick.

lipsticks

 

So with all those other items ruled out I’ve become a fan of lipstick. I subscribe to the Kissing Jessica Stein school of applying lipstick. You’ll never find that one perfect shade. Never. The art of the perfect lipstick is a layering process. I start with a lipstain which is just fun. It’s like a magic marker for your lips! Then there’s a layer of lipstick on top of that. Lastly, you need a gloss or something moisterizing to finish off the look.

It’s a pain but the result is pretty damn hot and it makes me feel empowered. When I put my “war paint” on I am ready to take on the world!

warpaint1

 

Image one via Pinterest, Chloe Dykstra, and S Moda.

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First Impressions and Poop Jokes

First impressions are important. That should be all that needs to be said on the matter but apparently I found reason to go in-depth.

I went on a first date Saturday night. 50 points to me! It was a bit of a mixed bag of good and bad first impressions. Lets call my date Felix. I met Felix online and this was our first time meeting. I wasn’t completely blown away by his profile but I was curious what a supposed 94% match would be like. Underwhelming. That’s what a 94% match was like. I didn’t expect fireworks but I was hoping to be a little more impressed than I was.

To start off, I should give the disclaimer that I hate being late and am usually early for everything. This really isn’t a big deal to the rest of the world but to me when someone is late it feels like they don’t care as much as I do. I know extenuating circumstances pop up but then at least text me and tell me you’re on your way or maybe apologize for being late.

Felix was only late by a couple minutes but enough to make me worry I might be stood up and feel like a loser sitting in front of the movie theater waiting. If you didn’t think you were going to be there at 8 after you got off work why didn’t you say 8:30? Instead of just sitting down next to me while I’m reading and waiting for me to notice you could have said hello first, Felix.

I spent 3 days trying to decide what to wear just to see a movie with you, Felix. The least you could have done was brush your hair and not wear a hoodie. It’s Arizona in July! Unless you’re smuggling something or you’re trying to hide a colostomy bag there’s no excuse to wear a hoodie any time of year in Arizona but especially in fucking July.

*Side note: I actually made the above colostomy bag statement. Not sure he found it as funny as I did especially considering he does not know I have Crohn’s. I admit this to be my own stellar first impression moment. 

It was Felix’s idea to see a random movie so we could talk and make jokes through it. I get he was trying to be spontaneous and funny but it ended up an indecisive mess with us changing our minds 3 times just at the ticket counter and switching theaters another 3 times once inside. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone but this girl likes a guy who can take charge when its called for. I’m extremely indecisive so I need someone to be the tie breaker otherwise we end up sitting through 30 minutes of Earth To Echo and then X-Men and finally Maleficent. It was kind of frustrating and for someone who doesn’t go out much, socially exhausting schlepping all over a movie theater pretending I wasn’t a little annoyed.

This is part of the problem with a 94%. We were maybe too similar on the indecisive front.

I’m trying to keep an open mind and not be rude to someone just because their first impression wasn’t the greatest. If Felix calls again I’m willing to give him a second chance. (Provided the next time is a well planned and timely date)

I feel really guilty for saying the highlights of my night were the monsoon in the distance and stopping by the comic book store for new She-Hulk on the way home. I adore monsoon season and I felt like my well planned outfit was a little wasted on guy who didn’t even take notice (Seriously, I’m not that vane but I looked good. A compliment somewhere would have been nice. Me making a joke about his stupid fucking hoodie would have been the perfect entry for him to say something about how I looked). So I took myself to the comicbook store to cheer myself up before driving home with the windows down, enjoying the gorgeous scent of creosote and petrichor.

 

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I Would Climb Jennifer Lawrence Like A Tree

I visited the Hollywood Costume exhibit at Phoenix Art Museum finally. It’s the last week and I’ve been wanting to see it since it opened but always found an excuse not to. Being more social and getting out of the house is one of my goals so I finally forced myself to get down there.

50 points to me and I got to see pretty clothes!

The show was very interesting and the clothes were amazing, of course. I thought it was interesting how seeing these iconic costumes up close cut them down to size as it were. Russel Crowe is a lot less daunting in Gladiator when he’s not 10 feet tall on screen. I feel like I could take him.

darth1

I couldn’t believe some of the iconic costumes the show featured nor could I help noticing what people gravitated towards. People naturally flocked to get a look at Batman and see Andy Serkis’ suit he wore when doing CGI-things for LotR. Of course there was a crowd around Marilyn Monroe’s costume from Some Like It Hot and Audrey Hepburn from My Fair Lady but what I could not believe was that there wasn’t a soul around some of truly incredible pieces.

marilynThe whole of the grand period pieces from Camelot to Maria Antoinette was a virtual ghost town. And there must have been a great disturbance in the force for NO ONE to kneel before Darth Vader and Ming the Merciless! The crowds flocking around the Aadams family was a small consolation for the fact that no one bothered to stop an look up at Superman and Spiderman hanging from the rafters. The Dude would not abide the number of people walking right past his robe.

Upstairs, the Hollywood Red Carpet exhibit was a similar story of neglect and rubbernecking. Everyone wanted to crowd around Amy Adams’ dress because its grand train and pale blue color on the red platform begged to be noticed but no one bothered to stop and appreciate the incredible simplicity of Jennifer Lawrence’s Calvin Klein dress from when she was nominated for Winter’s Bone.

Granted I never saw that movie. It looked depressing and I generally make a point of not watching things that are going to bum me out more than I already am. But whether you saw it or not you can’t deny the shear perfection that was Jennifer Lawrence in that dress. Those who know me know I have a total girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence. I think she is stunning, talented, and a total spas.

j law front

As a fat girl, I do however call bullshit when she goes on her rant about being “fat for Hollywood”. You’re not fat Jen. But thanks for trying to understand our plight. You have to wake up pretty fucking early to make the mannequin look fat and lumpy. Not to mention anyone prancing around on screen in nothing but blue paint has got to be flawless if they want to escape the harsh criticism of the press and hypocritical nerd trolls alike.

Regardless of if she’s full of shit about her size or not, I would climb that woman like a tree. I’m confident enough in my heterosexuality to say that but also willing to admit that if ever offered the chance to get with her I would pounce like a lion. Just so I could say I nailed Jennifer Lawrence. Who wouldn’t really?

Now, technically and actually for that matter, you’re not supposed to take pictures. Years of lurking in museum galleries and working in one have taught me how to spot a guard and how to look like you’re texting while sneaking a shot. I’m like a super nerdy fashion ninja! A fashion ninja who takes really bad blurry pictures!

j law back

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