Tag Archives: dating


Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!


I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!



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Back To The Future!

Again, apologies for not posting more the last few weeks. It’s been rough being out of work, broke, and feeling so sick.

But I digress…(I’ve always wanted to say that!)


Recently, in a mostly joking way I made a post on Facebook to the affect (effect?) of “Wanted: awkward nerd girl seeks similar boy for cuddling in blanket forts and back rubs. Smokers need not apply.”

Most of the time my Facebook posts go unnoticed. I don’t make a habit of posting long, emotional, political pleas. I am usually pretty guarded with things of an emotional nature and I make a point of avoiding politics and philosophy at all costs in any situation but especially on the internet.

Color me surprised when I got a whole bunch of likes and comments, particularly from an old crush, lets call him Ellis Tesla for She-Hulk’s Sake.

I had a bit of a crush on this guy in high school and we were both teased by a certain AP history teacher that we’d be a cute couple. I did like him but he had a girlfriend and was way too cool for me. For reference sake, I’m Crispin Glover and he was Marty McFly/Calvin Klein.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

Like most people, we lost touch after graduation and only occasionally spoke via Facebook so imagine my surprise when he played along with my sort-of-joking-kind-of-not-really post about looking for a date. Remembering my She-Hulk, our main character finally gets to be with her long-time, rock star crush, Ellis Tesla. Well, I’ve known this guy a long time. I did have a crush on him. He was in band…For all intents and purposes I am enacting my own little slice of fiction.

So I took the chance and gave him my number on the pretense of “catching up.” We’ll meet up, chat, maybe shit talk some people we went to school with and see who we still talk to. It should be…interesting…I have no clue if this is a date or not. There was some pretty solid flirty texting going on last night but that could just be me reading waaaaay too much into things for a change. I could really use some advice from Doc Brown here!

Whether it’s a date or not I am counting it as a win for my resolutions. I am reconnecting with an old friend which counts but I also haven’t seen him in like 8 years so I’m counting it as a new person as well.

This whole experience is really making me take a look down memory lane. How much have I changed? How much have I not changed? What would my crushes think of me now? What would my friends think of me now? Would we even be friends now if we hadn’t met in high school?

Considering when Ellis Tesla knew me I wore pj pants to school, I’m pretty confident the 26 year old me is a vast improvement over me at 17.

I'm ready for my date!

I’m ready for my date!

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The Devil Went Down To Georgia

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve had nothing worth posting about. Still nothing on the job or relationship front. I feel stalled. Stuck. Sick. I don’t know what to do and I honestly feel so shitty don’t want to do anything.

Feeling an overwhelming lack of motivation I thought rereading The She-Hulk Diaries would be good. It was a nice reminder that setbacks happen and not to just outright give up. While it gave me some positive reinforcement, I still don’t feel particularly motivated to do much of anything.

Part of this might be due to the fact that, as I like to say, “there’s trouble down south.”

Not feeling well is part of my every day life. I have Crohn’s Disease and as an added bonus on top of that I also have arthritis. One delightful thing about auto-immune diseases; chances are good, if you have one, you’ll have another. Over the years I’ve learned to live with my body and just deal (a trait I inherited from my mother who has the same illness) but, sometimes my body has a plan of its own. For the last week or two I’ve been in what Crohnies call a “flare.” My Crohn’s has been particularly active cause a great deal of pain and frustration on my part.

Crohn’s is a delightful, sexy illness where you develop inflammation along the digestive track causing pain, narrowings, blockages, and a whole host of other wonderful side effects. As a former crush once said to me, “so basically you’re like an epic shitter?” In those less than delicate terms…sure.

Below the Mason Dixon line in my body there’s a civil war. My body attacks itself causing pain and Katrina like devastation.

It’s caused me to lose jobs, cancel dates, lose friends, miss school, pay through to nose for doctors and treatments, and overall fucked my outlook on life.

No date wants to hear about how bloated and in pain and unsexy you feel. The last thing you want to do while spending the night with someone is wreck their toilet. Farting while spooning is considered poor form. People get embarrassed when you go out to dinner and give the waiter the 3rd degree about menu items. Friendly outtings become a nightmare when you have to stop everything to find a bathroom NOW! Bosses aren’t inclined to believe you’re sick when you “don’t look sick.” “Why can’t you come in to work and just go to the bathroom” or “you’ve missed too many days already you can’t be sick again.”

It’s not that fucking simple! No one is dumping buckets of ice on their heads to find a cure for Crohn’s. No major celebrities back the cause or talk about finding a cure. It’s one of those illnesses that isn’t very sexy or popular. No one wants to talk about poop or vomit. Dixie might be calling but ain’t nobody answering.

I have always been aware that things could be a lot worse. There are those with Crohn’s much more severe than mine. I could be hospitalized with an ostomy and losing my hair. I could be down to 90 lbs and all by myself instead of having supportive family and friends around me. but still…

Being sick sucks. It hurts. It’s expensive. It messes with your head and ruins your social life.

I promise when I actually have something worth writing about I will, but for now, Crohn’s can suck my lady balls.

Me getting my remicade infusion

Me getting my remicade infusion


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Someone To Dump A Body With

There are some things that are truly impossible: squaring a circle, time travel, licking your own elbow, making anything sugar-free taste good…And then there are things that seem impossible but somehow people manage to do them like the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle (which my grandfather does in PEN the show off), climbing a rope ladder, making a friend after high school…

I love my friends. I truly do. They’re amazing people I’ve known for years and I wouldn’t trade them for the world unless trading them meant I could be friends with Jennifer Lawrence. Then I’d dump those losers in a heart beat.

The people I consider my friends have been there for me through difficult times and even kept talking to me when I had to quit drinking because of my Crohn’s Disease and the fact that I got tired of doing dumb shit when drunk (i.e. ride home from stranger and bad makeout choices). There are plenty of people I’m acquainted with and according to Facebook I have lots of “friends,” but the people I count as real, hetero-lifemate, would help you dump a body kind of friends only amounts to a handful.

The problem is I feel like I’m a good 4 years behind all of my friends in terms of maturity and relationships. They all have real jobs that they manage to hold down for more than a month or two at a time and they’re all in long term relationships with really great people (for the most part). They’re buying houses and talking kids while I’m here reading comics and eating Pirate Booty. I don’t begrudge them their happiness for one second but it would be nice if they could send a little of that good joojoo my way. Making new friends after the forced socialization of high school is about as impossible as firing proton torpedoes at an exhaust port.

Part of my resolutions is to try and make some new friends and it’s seeming almost as impossible as finding a job I don’t hate. I want to expand my social group a little. See if I am in fact the last single person left in existence or it just seems that way when you’re the perpetual 3rd wheel.

So far this grand experiment hasn’t yielded great results. I’ve been rejected from 2 jobs, anxietied (copyright Amalgamated Missel Inc.) out of one interview, been metaphorically “dumped” by two guys who just up and stopped texting me, 2 panic attacks, chickened out of one meetup commitment, and essentially got stood up at another. While I give myself for points for at least trying and going to things, it would be really nice to have a win. Some positive reinforcement that pushing myself to do things that scare me and put it out on the internet for judgement hasn’t been completely in vain…

So help me out here internet. I assume if you’ve made it to the bottom of yet another mammoth post you’re on the train with me. Send me a little reinforcement, some good vibes, a little of the voodoo that you do so well! Hell even a suggestion of a place to meet people!



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Bookworms Need Love Too

Just a short post this time I promise.

I wanted to give a shout out to a dating site I came across that I wish was a bigger thing. It’s called alikewise.com. It’s a dating site for book lovers. You can list your favorite books and search by a favorite book or author and see what people like the same.

It’s considerably less stalkerish than okcupid and its free so major points for that. I wish more people knew about this site and used it. I think it’s a great concept. What better way to break the ice with someone than casually discussing your favorite books.

I’ve been on the site for about a week and haven’t gotten a single message. It’s such a nice idea I wish more people were active on it. Oh well, points for trying.

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Queen of the Nerds

So Saturday I paid way too much to sit in a bar in Scottsdale to feel inadequate. Keeping with my resolutions (which are basically the only reason I do anything anymore) I signed up for speed dating through meetup.com.

50 points to me. With this I closed out the week at about 300. Not too shabs.

The night wasn’t a total disaster and it got me out of the house for a couple hours but lets just say the selection of men to choose from were not aligned with my tastes. There was a wide range of “gentlemen” ranging from potential serial killer to so boring I wanted to gnaw my own hand off just to have something to do in the 5 minutes I had to sit there with them!

Where was? Ah yes, queen of the nerds.

I know I’m dorkier than the average girl. I never learned how to put on makeup, I like comics, I can name all the Ninja Turtles and their colors, and if I were ever the type of girl to have a “hall-pass” it would be for Kevin Smith not Channing Tatum. That being said, I though “geek culture” was widely accepted in mainstream society now? It was my understanding that with people like Robert Downey Jr. and Benedict Cumbercuddles staring in major films it was acceptable to let your freak flag fly and not hide what you’re a fan of?

Apparently not.

The main question people started out with at speed dating was “have you ever done anything like this before?” Why yes, I have. At comicon. It was a blast and even though I didn’t meet any guys it was fun getting to talk to a bunch of fellow nerds looking for love just like me. At this event, however, I can’t even remember how many times I had to explain what comicon was.

If I have to explain what comicon is to one more person I’m gonna punch them in the throat!

I couldn’t believe that so many people had no idea what comicon was. Almost as many people there who didn’t read, or like movies or watch TV…Fucking unbelievable!

To sum up my speed dating experience in Scottsdale; I walked away hangry with one match from a guy who called me Amy from Big Bang Theory. I didn’t know whether to be offended or not. I like Big Bang Theory. It’s an okay show. And I have respect for Mayim Bialik. She’s smart, Jewish, and survived being a child actor. Still. Before I even opened my mouth this guy was calling me Amy.

He was ok. Doubt I’ll hear from him but whatever. I was much happier going home to put on my Doctor Who slippers and my She-Hulk shirt, declaring myself Queen of the Nerds!

I have to have faith that somewhere out there is the nerd for me. Mutant and proud!

she hulk selfie


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The Most Natural Thing In The World

The last few days have been an ever worsening series of setbacks. My own laziness and cowardice are contributory. It’s so much easier to feel like a victim but these are demons of my own creation. If years of therapy has taught me anything, it’s that it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, I’m the one who has to solve my problems.

You can read all about my first setback in my less than stellar date Saturday. Felix wasn’t my only prospect, oh no non no, there was also he who shall hence forth be known as Davis. I met Davis on the same site that I met Felix. That should have been my first clue. Much like Felix, I wasn’t terribly blown away by Davis’ profile but was willing to give him a chance and chat. Second mistake.

Davis proceeded to bombard me with messages disguised as post scripts. Word of advice to the guys out there; give a girl a chance to answer your first question before hurling 5 more at her. This was my third warning that Davis was not going to be the guy for me. I mean shit, if you can make me look smooth and not at all desperate you’ve gotta reassess your approach.

Undeterred my all the glaring warning signs I decided to stick to my resolution and give Davis my number. He proceeded to annoy me for the next two days until I had finally had enough. The final straw was asking “what do you look for in a guy?” Um…I look for a guy who doesn’t ask stupid, insecure, hypothetical questions. I HATE questions like this. Or “if you won the lottery, what would you do?” I’d shell out money to a better dating site where the guys hopefully won’t ask me those kind of questions!!!

So Davis gets the brush off. Done. As does Felix. Done. These setbacks are minor in the grand scheme and the fact that I actually tried to date is still in the spirit of my She-Hulk resolutions even if I’m losing points for it. I don’t feel bad about these guys like I have with others in the past. They’re clearly not the one for me and I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

-20 points for dying a sad lonely cat lady minus the cats

I also quit my job today. It has been coming since I started basically but I was hoping to make it a little farther before giving up. Whenever anything gets hard I cut and run. This job was hard, the boss was a shady bearded lady, and publicly shaming me in an email to the entire company was the thing that done me in. Just because you end your email with a smiley face doesn’t mean it’s not super bitchy.

– 1 million points

This couldn’t have happened at a worse time. I’m still desperately trying to find health insurance and my expenses are going to be ridiculous given the number of birthdays this month. When it rains it pours and right now the sky is dumping buckets of acid rain on my head.

I’m trying not to be defeated by these setbacks. If we’re going by She-Hulk Diaries as a template I’m technically right on track. She starts off the book unemployed, single, squatting, and pretty hopeless. The only reason I’m not out on the street is because I live at home with my sainted mother who has put up with years of drama from me with no end in sight.

So. I’m going to try and look at this as the beginning of my book. After all, Shulky went through a lot of ups and downs on her road to self-improvement. Hopefully if I stick to my resolutions things will keep getting better. I’ll take losing a few battles now if it means eventually I’m going to win the war.

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First Impressions and Poop Jokes

First impressions are important. That should be all that needs to be said on the matter but apparently I found reason to go in-depth.

I went on a first date Saturday night. 50 points to me! It was a bit of a mixed bag of good and bad first impressions. Lets call my date Felix. I met Felix online and this was our first time meeting. I wasn’t completely blown away by his profile but I was curious what a supposed 94% match would be like. Underwhelming. That’s what a 94% match was like. I didn’t expect fireworks but I was hoping to be a little more impressed than I was.

To start off, I should give the disclaimer that I hate being late and am usually early for everything. This really isn’t a big deal to the rest of the world but to me when someone is late it feels like they don’t care as much as I do. I know extenuating circumstances pop up but then at least text me and tell me you’re on your way or maybe apologize for being late.

Felix was only late by a couple minutes but enough to make me worry I might be stood up and feel like a loser sitting in front of the movie theater waiting. If you didn’t think you were going to be there at 8 after you got off work why didn’t you say 8:30? Instead of just sitting down next to me while I’m reading and waiting for me to notice you could have said hello first, Felix.

I spent 3 days trying to decide what to wear just to see a movie with you, Felix. The least you could have done was brush your hair and not wear a hoodie. It’s Arizona in July! Unless you’re smuggling something or you’re trying to hide a colostomy bag there’s no excuse to wear a hoodie any time of year in Arizona but especially in fucking July.

*Side note: I actually made the above colostomy bag statement. Not sure he found it as funny as I did especially considering he does not know I have Crohn’s. I admit this to be my own stellar first impression moment. 

It was Felix’s idea to see a random movie so we could talk and make jokes through it. I get he was trying to be spontaneous and funny but it ended up an indecisive mess with us changing our minds 3 times just at the ticket counter and switching theaters another 3 times once inside. I know this doesn’t apply to everyone but this girl likes a guy who can take charge when its called for. I’m extremely indecisive so I need someone to be the tie breaker otherwise we end up sitting through 30 minutes of Earth To Echo and then X-Men and finally Maleficent. It was kind of frustrating and for someone who doesn’t go out much, socially exhausting schlepping all over a movie theater pretending I wasn’t a little annoyed.

This is part of the problem with a 94%. We were maybe too similar on the indecisive front.

I’m trying to keep an open mind and not be rude to someone just because their first impression wasn’t the greatest. If Felix calls again I’m willing to give him a second chance. (Provided the next time is a well planned and timely date)

I feel really guilty for saying the highlights of my night were the monsoon in the distance and stopping by the comic book store for new She-Hulk on the way home. I adore monsoon season and I felt like my well planned outfit was a little wasted on guy who didn’t even take notice (Seriously, I’m not that vane but I looked good. A compliment somewhere would have been nice. Me making a joke about his stupid fucking hoodie would have been the perfect entry for him to say something about how I looked). So I took myself to the comicbook store to cheer myself up before driving home with the windows down, enjoying the gorgeous scent of creosote and petrichor.


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