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What’s The Story Lamb Chop?

Well, I survived my first go at 2nd Friday. 2nd and 3rd too. I’ve just been super lazy about posting…

I did about as poorly as expected but was so happy and relieved that I actually sold a couple things. While I didn’t come close to breaking even, I got my name out there and didn’t give up. Hopefully,  when people start to look for holiday gifts and the weather is really nice I’ll get even more traffic. Hopefully.

There are few things in life I haven’t completely given up on. My regular behavior to cut and run when things get tough has been a cornerstone of my existence. I’d like the say that even though I didn’t turn a profit I’m more proud of myself for not quitting but that’d be a lie. I mean, who wouldn’t prefer making lots of money and being praised for their apparent talent?

One thing that certainly helped ease my anxiety over this experience is the newest member of my family, LambChop! I’ve wanted a dog for a while and as I’ve mentioned before, attempted one back in August. Bea Arthur was a really bad experience for me. She was not a good fit and I was definitely not emotionally prepared to train and take care of a puppy. I now know that that experience and the wait was worth it for LambChop. She is the perfect dog for me. Sweet, mellow, loving, housebroken!

lambchop

I got so damn lucky with this dog. I hope I do right by her. She came from the shelter and we’ll rescue each other. Such a sweet, wonderful dog deserves a good home with lots of love and belly rubs. Financially, it may not have been the best decision but in light of so much frustration, stress, and pain in my life she is a source of comfort.

She may be a little stinky but she’s mine and I’ve definitely fallen for her! She’s damn good to cuddle with even if I always have to be the big spoon.

I am a Jedi

I am a Jedi

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Because Feminism That’s Why

For a change I’m way behind the times but oh well…

I watched Hermione Granger give her HeForShe speech at the UN a while back and found it very interesting. Beyond just being pleased to see Emma Watson grow to be such an eloquent young woman, it’s always good when people use their notoriety for a cause. Some people have found fault with the HeForShe initiative and criticized it for not having a clear plan but you have to appreciate that it’s a start and hopefully, as it gains momentum, the steps involved will become more clear.

I didn’t always consider myself a feminist but I didn’t always know what the word really meant. I thought being a feminist meant you had to carry signs and protest gender iniquity. I thought you had to be a ballbusting, tough woman and I just never considered myself one of those. It wasn’t until I was older that I learned that feminism has less to do with being angry, and more to do with understanding. It’s all about choice. It’s about believing that women have as much of a right to choose who they want to be as men do. You don’t have to be a high powered, no-nonsense, executive woman to be a feminist. You just have to believe that you have as much right as anyone else to do the things you want to do.

wonder woman

I’m never going to be a CEO, but I’m also probably never going to be a stay at home mom. I haven’t protested against rape or women earning less than me, but I also don’t agree that women should be barefoot and pregnant, chained to the stove. I choose to be me. Me is more reserved in my beliefs and feelings. I have my opinions but I keep them to myself. For the most part.

How do I show I’m a feminist, you ask? I wear my Wonder Woman underoos when I have my period. Because feminism.

underoos

http://www.heforshe.org/

Donate, don’t donate. I don’t really care. But however you choose to express yourself, you be you, fiercely.

 

Also, FUCK totally sexist superhero shirts! Read this too: “Superheroes Make Shitty Husbands!”

 

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Because No One Asked Me Anyway

Lately I’ve seen people post all over the internet their top 10 books. Normally I don’t care what’s trending or whether anyone asks me to participate, which they don’t typically (one positive of being a hermit I guess), but this is one I’d be interested in.

I was relieved that none of my close friends did the ice bucket challenge or thought to challenge me to it. If they had, I would have dumped mud on my head for Crohn’s and Colitis and no one wants to think too hard about “why mud?” (You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?!)

So since no one’s asked me, but I feel like doing it anyway, here are my 10 most influential books in my life.

In mostly no particular order (kinda):

10. Catherine Called BirdyKaren Cushman. I read this in probably the 4th or 5th grade. It was the first “real” book I remember reading. By real I mean, more than 20 pages and a book I picked out all on my own like a big girl.

9. Alice In Wonderland And Through The Looking Glass, Lewis Carol. I was a manic-pixie-dream-girl in the making way before it was cool.

alice

8. The Once And Future King, T. H. White. I saw Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan reading it in X-Men 2 and was curious. It took me an entire summer and then some to read but so worth it.

7. The Rescue ArtistEdward Dolnick. I didn’t have a lot in common with my grandma other than looks and not being a morning person. One thing we shared though was a love of art and reading. She sent me this book in the mail because she thought I’d like it. Now that she’s gone, I try to read art/capers to hold on to that memory.

6. Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, Judy Barrett. My absolute favorite book as a kid! It’s still on my bookshelf and in absolute pieces from being read so many times. I refuse to see the movie because I don’t appreciate Hollywood shitting all over my childhood.

5. Of Human Bondage, Somerset Maugham. I read this book freshman year of college. I hated almost every minute of it.  It is the only book I have ever yelled at.

4. Dune, Frank Herbert. This is the first true scifi book I ever read. While I still lean more towards fantasy and trashy vampires, I like to think this book started me on my nerdy path.

3. Bossypants, Tina Fey. Do I really need to explain this one? Liz Lemon is my spirit animal.

lemon-selffive

2. Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman. Really everything by him. I absolutely adore Neil Gaiman. He is my favorite author. Last summer I got to meet him briefly at a book signing and I completely fanigirled out when he signed my copy of Ocean At The End Of The Lane with a little love heart!

1. The She-Hulk Diaries, Marta Acosta. Come on this couldn’t not be #1! This book has influenced my life in the best way possible. Last night I received an incredible email from Marta Acosta herself saying how much she liked this blog and what I am doing! I was so touched. I got a little misty and had to reread it 7 or 8 more times to make sure it was real. Words cannot express how much I appreciate what all her book has done for me and how touched I was by her email.

I CAN DO ANYTHING!

I CAN DO ANYTHING!

So what have been the 10 most influential books in your life? And don’t say Harry Potter!

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Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?

it crowd 2

I’m trying to look at recent events not as a step backwards but more as a reboot. A year ago I had an okay job in retail, a graphic design internship at a magazine in Phoenix, and a boyfriend (albeit a dick of a bf who broke up with me like two days from now but a bf none the less). It seemed like I was finally getting my shit together and become a grown up. Somewhere down the line I got the bright idea to quit my retail job and focus on design “full time.” It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Cut to 1 year later where I got screwed over by a certain local ice cream business that hired me for design work, decided to not use any of the work I did, and still to this day owes me $200. Let’s just say they ain’t so sweet or much of a republic. I also got dumped by a second bf, quit what should have been a good job but turned out to be a nightmare, lost a beloved grandmother, watched my own mother lose her job, and suffered from continually deteriorating health.

Like I’ve said before, it’s been a shitty fucking year.

In light of all the tragedies, I’ve been thinking back to where I was a year ago. As much as I hated that retail job, as, it was the best job I’ve ever had. Yes, my boss was insane and frequently made me cry; yes, it was exhausting being on my feet that much; and yes, I never imagined selling plus size wireless bras was a skill…It still beats getting bitched out for having to leave town because my grandmother passed away or getting screwed out of hard earned money because you’re shitty business managers.

So here I am, one year later, 20 lbs heavier (I’m gonna blame stress but we know that’s only a half truth), 2 jobs down, 2 boyfriends gone, and going back to retail. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

I don’t want to think about it being a set back. I have come a long way since last year. Kind of in reverse but that’s not the point. I want to think of it more as a reboot. I was in a good place a year ago and I want to get back to that. Refocus on the goals I had a year ago. Get back in the pants I was in a year ago!

I’m going to try turning my life off and on again in a totally non-suicide-attempt way and see it that helps.

moss

 

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D-Day

Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!

lemon-greatestnews

I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!

 

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I’m No Artist

As long as I can remember I’ve loved art. My mom says that even as a little kid I had a grasp of color beyond my years. She tells the story of asking me what colors some of the flowers in our garden were. Apparently when asked about the pretty pink flower I said something to the effect (affect?) of “its pink but there’s also blue, and fuchsia, and has some green.”

So I was a little know it all from the start. Not that surprising.

Point being, I have always liked color. Mixing paint colors remains to this day one of my favorite activities. Something about swirling different colors together, making an entirely new shade, maybe one that no ones seen before, it’s very zen for me.

waters-of-the-purple-bleeding-hearts3

I’ve always painted and drawn. I was lucky enough to have parents encourage me to get messy and be creative. They bought me endless art supplies, and would sign me up for classes at the community arts center. When I was little I wanted to be like Picasso. I wanted to be rich and famous and have people praise my work. I wanted to be this cool bohemian girl with paint under her nails and splattered on her party dress. I wanted to be the toast of Paris…

At the rate I’m going Van Gogh might be more accurate…

Being an “artist” is tough.  There’s not a lot of money and you have to have a thick skin to take the criticism. I don’t consider myself an artist. I am far too sensitive. I get emotionally attached to my paintings and typically only paint when I am in a heightened emotional state. I don’t want to have to explain myself or my inspiration. I am afraid of being rejected or misunderstood. I don’t want people laughing at something I poured my heart and soul into. And bottom line I’m just not that good.

i-cant-help-it-if-you-might-think-im-odd1

My paintings look like the “my kid could paint that” crap. Other people have said to me that I’m not that bad and have even gone so far as to say they like some of my pieces but I’m always skeptical.

Coming into the home stretch of this bizarre experiment I need one final push, so I’m taking the chance. I’ve solicited help from other artist friends for recommendations on getting high quality photos so I can sell prints. Who knows, maybe I’ll open an Etsy shop where everyone will rate me highly and I’ll be the toast of Mesa!

In the meantime, anyone who wants to check out some of my paintings can go to my online portfolio. Please keep any criticism to yourself. It’s hard enough trying to share this side of me.

cactus-flower-edit1

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The Devil Went Down To Georgia

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve had nothing worth posting about. Still nothing on the job or relationship front. I feel stalled. Stuck. Sick. I don’t know what to do and I honestly feel so shitty don’t want to do anything.

Feeling an overwhelming lack of motivation I thought rereading The She-Hulk Diaries would be good. It was a nice reminder that setbacks happen and not to just outright give up. While it gave me some positive reinforcement, I still don’t feel particularly motivated to do much of anything.

Part of this might be due to the fact that, as I like to say, “there’s trouble down south.”

Not feeling well is part of my every day life. I have Crohn’s Disease and as an added bonus on top of that I also have arthritis. One delightful thing about auto-immune diseases; chances are good, if you have one, you’ll have another. Over the years I’ve learned to live with my body and just deal (a trait I inherited from my mother who has the same illness) but, sometimes my body has a plan of its own. For the last week or two I’ve been in what Crohnies call a “flare.” My Crohn’s has been particularly active cause a great deal of pain and frustration on my part.

Crohn’s is a delightful, sexy illness where you develop inflammation along the digestive track causing pain, narrowings, blockages, and a whole host of other wonderful side effects. As a former crush once said to me, “so basically you’re like an epic shitter?” In those less than delicate terms…sure.

Below the Mason Dixon line in my body there’s a civil war. My body attacks itself causing pain and Katrina like devastation.

It’s caused me to lose jobs, cancel dates, lose friends, miss school, pay through to nose for doctors and treatments, and overall fucked my outlook on life.

No date wants to hear about how bloated and in pain and unsexy you feel. The last thing you want to do while spending the night with someone is wreck their toilet. Farting while spooning is considered poor form. People get embarrassed when you go out to dinner and give the waiter the 3rd degree about menu items. Friendly outtings become a nightmare when you have to stop everything to find a bathroom NOW! Bosses aren’t inclined to believe you’re sick when you “don’t look sick.” “Why can’t you come in to work and just go to the bathroom” or “you’ve missed too many days already you can’t be sick again.”

It’s not that fucking simple! No one is dumping buckets of ice on their heads to find a cure for Crohn’s. No major celebrities back the cause or talk about finding a cure. It’s one of those illnesses that isn’t very sexy or popular. No one wants to talk about poop or vomit. Dixie might be calling but ain’t nobody answering.

I have always been aware that things could be a lot worse. There are those with Crohn’s much more severe than mine. I could be hospitalized with an ostomy and losing my hair. I could be down to 90 lbs and all by myself instead of having supportive family and friends around me. but still…

Being sick sucks. It hurts. It’s expensive. It messes with your head and ruins your social life.

I promise when I actually have something worth writing about I will, but for now, Crohn’s can suck my lady balls.

Me getting my remicade infusion

Me getting my remicade infusion

 

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Danny Trejo Stars In Machete 3: Garden Gloves Of Death

They say “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” What does it say when you take a machete and hack your garden to bits?

machete_trejo_md

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, the only thing you can do is take a big fucking knife and hack away at it. More on that at the bottom.

Last week was a rough week for me. My anxiety was at a new high, I was all alone, and it seemed like nothing was going my way. Shit happens. I know this better than most. Doesn’t mean I don’t throw the occasional tantrum or get drunk and skinny dip. It’s my pool, I do what I want!

Where was I?

I felt even more pressure to have some kind of results since we’ve reached the halfway point of my little social experiment. I’ve been busting my ass for a month now, trying to improve myself and stick to my resolutions with little to show for it. It’s been a frustrating road.

Still don’t have a job, haven’t even gotten any interviews.

Still single and alone. Haven’t made any new friends, let alone met someone I want to date.

Still a blob on the couch. Haven’t been working out or eating particularly well. Might actually be eating worse than usual.

My garden is being eaten to death by bugs and everything is dying.


You know what I have done though?

I’ve tried.

I haven’t quit.

I’ve gone out.

I’ve gone to meetups.

I’ve gone to Doctor Who’s Day every week.

I’ve tried new things.

I had a great birthday.

I’ve applied for jobs in spite of feeling defeated.

I’ve seen friends I haven’t seen in ages and made plans to see them again.

I’ve talked to new people and tried to make friends.

I’ve been taking care of motherfucking business even when it feels like I’m getting nowhere sitting on hold and sending emails.

I started a blog.

I haven’t totally neglected said blog.

If this picture doesn't make you feel at peace I don't know what will

If this picture doesn’t make you feel at peace I don’t know what will

So you know what, I may not have something solid to show for my effort but I have done a damn good job so far. I have a long way to go. Anyone whose been to therapy knows you’re never “fixed,” you’re never done working on yourself, but you also have to cut yourself some slack. Admittedly, this is not something I’m very good at. I am by far my worst critic. If I talked to others the way I talked to myself, well…I’d probably be a lot farther in life actually because I’d be an Anna Wintour level ballbuster…hmmm…

In honor of reaching the halfway point and not completely giving up yet, I’m cutting myself some slack.

Yes, I may have gotten fed up with my life in general. I may have taken a huge ass knife and hacked away at the rat-king, ripping it apart like I was Machete on a rampage. I may have polished off a bottle of wine by myself. I may have gotten naked and finished that bottle in the pool. I may have even texted my friend a blow-by-blow of Sharknado 2.

This all may have happened in one day…It doesn’t matter. I’m cutting myself some slack. So what if I’m feeling a little more Shulky than Jennifer Walters. Sometimes you just have to let the beast rage.

It also bares mentioning that immediately after finishing this post I saw an interview of Danny Trejo on NPR. Here’s the link to hear how Machete got his big break and got his life together after a much darker past than mine.

http://www.npr.org/2014/08/03/337134637/danny-trejo-from-the-big-house-to-the-big-screen

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Bruce Banner Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me

Okay, we’ve established that I have a LOT of free time. Last night I decided to spend some of that time playing on the fashionably enviable site Polyvore creating a wardrobe for She-Hulk. Because I can.

One of the many aspects I like about She-Hulk, specifically in The She-Hulk Diaries, is how she finds a way to balance her multiple lives and alter egos. Jennifer Walters is a shy lawyer while She-Hulk is the hero of Manhattan when the Avengers are busy doing other things. She’s tough and strong of course but she’s also brave in the face of danger, saving the world from Dr. Doom time and time again. Last but not least is everyone’s favorite party girl, Shulky. She loves to have a good time and isn’t shy about what she wants unlike Jennifer. A little loose, a little trashy, Shulky knows how to have a good time.

Clearly I have nothing better to do with my time. Clearly…

polyvore she hulk

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What Is With The Great Light In The Sky?

Can someone please explain Welcome to Night Vale to me? Seriously. I consider myself a pretty weird kid. I like random stuff. I get obscure references…But for the life of me I can’t get in to Welcome to Night Vale.

I’m picky about my podcasts. There is really only one I listen to with regularity and that’s Hollywood Babble-On. It’s hilarious, clever, and grossly inappropriate. Plus it has Kevin Smith!

I’ve been known to listen to various Nerdist podcasts and snippets from NPR but HBO is my main go to. It’s only draw back is that it’s about an hour and a half to two hours long. While I pretty much always have at least two hours of sitting around doing nothing, I don’t always want to spend that time listening to a podcast. I like that Night Vale episodes are fairly short. I can listen to one and not feel like I have to put my busy day of staring at the TV and running to the bathroom on hold.

I wish I could get into it. Does anyone out there have any opinion on WNV? Do you love it? Do you hate it? Is there another podcast you think I should give a chance?

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