Well well you knoooowwww….
Alright enough of that nonsense.
I wanted to wait to post about my New Year’s resolutions until February in trueShe-Hulk style. I’ve had a month to work on these things and while I haven’t accomplished squat, it’s the spirit of the experiment that counts. Right?
This year my resolutions are fairly selfish. Some people resolve to spend more time with their kids, or do more volunteer work. Well, my kid is a fur ball who just wants belly rubs and at this point I’m so broke I’m my own charity case. So instead of looking outward to better my community and all that bullshit, this year I’m going to try to actually improve myself.
As a self proclaimed human disaster this gives me plenty of material to work with.
1. Find a Fucking Job!
Easier said than done. Between poor health, crippling depressing and overall entitled laziness, I’ve yet to accomplish this particular goal. This one has to be number one or I won’t be making my loan or insurance payments next month!
2. Fucking Exercise!
This one I haven’t been too terrible with actually. I try to walk the aforementioned fur ball every other day and started attempting to job for at least part of those walks. God I hate jogging. It’s the worst. I’ve even been getting back into yoga to help me stretch for more walking/death jogging and to alleviate some anxiety.
3. Take Better Fucking Care of Myself!
As stated above, I’m trying to exercise but I also need to be eating better. For someone with as many health issues as I have, I eat like total shit sometimes. All the time. I’m a notorious stress eater and going back to that entitlement bullshit I can justify any reason to have ice cream. In the past, I’ve toyed with the idea of dieting and lasted all of five minutes before eating a brownie. Mmmmm….brownieeeeessssss….What was I saying? Diet! As a stress eater and someone with both Crohn’s and IBS (lucky me!) I really need to take better care of myself. After the holidays, visits from both my siblings and my own self imposed hysteria, my gut has taken quite the beating. So I’ve started a diet! I’m trying a somewhat modified version of a low FODMAP diet. I’m three days in, I’ve had nothing but chicken and the most basic carbs, and I would sell my first born for a piece of chocolate!
Who has two thumbs, speaks limited French, and was dumb enough to give up chocolate the week of Valentine’s Day? This moi!
It’s a sad sad day when your period and Valentine’s fall on the same week…
4. Figure Out What/Who the Fuck I Want and Stop Dating Fucktards!
I’m a horribly indecisive person and basically just a giant, petulant baby. I never know what I want and I seem to only ever want what I can’t have. Did I ever tell you about my ex? He treated me like crap and took advantage of my kindness. I gave him the best of me and while I was busy falling for him, he was looking for a way to dump me. What can I say, I have great taste in men. So while the horny teenager in me is pining for some asshole who didn’t deserve me in the first place and doesn’t even want me, I could be ruining something potentially amazing with someone else. What am I doing? I need to figure that the fuck out! Do you waste your life pining over someone you’ve romanticized in your head or do you wake the fuck up and just appreciate what you have?! i’m seriously asking. I have no fucking clue.
So that’s my list of selfish New Year’s resolutions. With Valentine’s Day almost here, I’m fast approaching my deadline to accomplish at least some of these goals.
Gotta find a fucking job or some steady flow of income!
I’m doing pretty well exercising, but not as much as I should. In the coming months I really need to be more consistent about it.
The diet. If I make it a week I’ll be utterly amazed. I have zero discipline and no willpower when it comes to junk food. Chips and chocolate have always been there for me but we have to break up. It’s time to move on.
Speaking of moving on. It’s time to stop crying over douche bags; especially when I know he hasn’t spared one thought towards me except for maybe “I wonder if I can still get her to cook for me?” or “would she still let me use her computer?” Time to find someone who will care for me as much as I do for them.
2014 was a bitch and I was glad to see it go. I’m still in my golden year and I hope 2015 is kind to me and mine. I wish everyone luck in this new year and especially myself. I want to do well this year.
Apologies for no funny pictures in this very long post. I’m still lazy as fuck. And all the fucks…