Monthly Archives: September 2014

Because No One Asked Me Anyway

Lately I’ve seen people post all over the internet their top 10 books. Normally I don’t care what’s trending or whether anyone asks me to participate, which they don’t typically (one positive of being a hermit I guess), but this is one I’d be interested in.

I was relieved that none of my close friends did the ice bucket challenge or thought to challenge me to it. If they had, I would have dumped mud on my head for Crohn’s and Colitis and no one wants to think too hard about “why mud?” (You’re thinking about it now, aren’t you?!)

So since no one’s asked me, but I feel like doing it anyway, here are my 10 most influential books in my life.

In mostly no particular order (kinda):

10. Catherine Called BirdyKaren Cushman. I read this in probably the 4th or 5th grade. It was the first “real” book I remember reading. By real I mean, more than 20 pages and a book I picked out all on my own like a big girl.

9. Alice In Wonderland And Through The Looking Glass, Lewis Carol. I was a manic-pixie-dream-girl in the making way before it was cool.

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8. The Once And Future King, T. H. White. I saw Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellan reading it in X-Men 2 and was curious. It took me an entire summer and then some to read but so worth it.

7. The Rescue ArtistEdward Dolnick. I didn’t have a lot in common with my grandma other than looks and not being a morning person. One thing we shared though was a love of art and reading. She sent me this book in the mail because she thought I’d like it. Now that she’s gone, I try to read art/capers to hold on to that memory.

6. Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs, Judy Barrett. My absolute favorite book as a kid! It’s still on my bookshelf and in absolute pieces from being read so many times. I refuse to see the movie because I don’t appreciate Hollywood shitting all over my childhood.

5. Of Human Bondage, Somerset Maugham. I read this book freshman year of college. I hated almost every minute of it.  It is the only book I have ever yelled at.

4. Dune, Frank Herbert. This is the first true scifi book I ever read. While I still lean more towards fantasy and trashy vampires, I like to think this book started me on my nerdy path.

3. Bossypants, Tina Fey. Do I really need to explain this one? Liz Lemon is my spirit animal.

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2. Neverwhere, Neil Gaiman. Really everything by him. I absolutely adore Neil Gaiman. He is my favorite author. Last summer I got to meet him briefly at a book signing and I completely fanigirled out when he signed my copy of Ocean At The End Of The Lane with a little love heart!

1. The She-Hulk Diaries, Marta Acosta. Come on this couldn’t not be #1! This book has influenced my life in the best way possible. Last night I received an incredible email from Marta Acosta herself saying how much she liked this blog and what I am doing! I was so touched. I got a little misty and had to reread it 7 or 8 more times to make sure it was real. Words cannot express how much I appreciate what all her book has done for me and how touched I was by her email.

I CAN DO ANYTHING!

I CAN DO ANYTHING!

So what have been the 10 most influential books in your life? And don’t say Harry Potter!

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I’m Just Gonna Leave This Here

In case anyone is stumped on what to get me for Hanukkah…

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Or just because you want to get me something. I’m a big fan of “just because” presents. I think they’re even better than birthday/holiday gifts. It’s something unexpected and thoughtful that someone gives you just because they saw it and thought of you, knew it would make you happy, and know you’d do the same for them.

Give someone a “just because” gift sometime. You never know when someone needs a little something to cheer them up. I love giving gifts any time of year. It makes me happy to see other people happy. Do something good and give a little gift to someone you love just because. That love will come back to you.

Do it!

Do it now!

Seriously, why haven’t you done it yet?!

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Have You Tried Turning It Off And On Again?

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I’m trying to look at recent events not as a step backwards but more as a reboot. A year ago I had an okay job in retail, a graphic design internship at a magazine in Phoenix, and a boyfriend (albeit a dick of a bf who broke up with me like two days from now but a bf none the less). It seemed like I was finally getting my shit together and become a grown up. Somewhere down the line I got the bright idea to quit my retail job and focus on design “full time.” It seemed like a good idea at the time…

Cut to 1 year later where I got screwed over by a certain local ice cream business that hired me for design work, decided to not use any of the work I did, and still to this day owes me $200. Let’s just say they ain’t so sweet or much of a republic. I also got dumped by a second bf, quit what should have been a good job but turned out to be a nightmare, lost a beloved grandmother, watched my own mother lose her job, and suffered from continually deteriorating health.

Like I’ve said before, it’s been a shitty fucking year.

In light of all the tragedies, I’ve been thinking back to where I was a year ago. As much as I hated that retail job, as, it was the best job I’ve ever had. Yes, my boss was insane and frequently made me cry; yes, it was exhausting being on my feet that much; and yes, I never imagined selling plus size wireless bras was a skill…It still beats getting bitched out for having to leave town because my grandmother passed away or getting screwed out of hard earned money because you’re shitty business managers.

So here I am, one year later, 20 lbs heavier (I’m gonna blame stress but we know that’s only a half truth), 2 jobs down, 2 boyfriends gone, and going back to retail. Desperate times call for desperate measures and all that.

I don’t want to think about it being a set back. I have come a long way since last year. Kind of in reverse but that’s not the point. I want to think of it more as a reboot. I was in a good place a year ago and I want to get back to that. Refocus on the goals I had a year ago. Get back in the pants I was in a year ago!

I’m going to try turning my life off and on again in a totally non-suicide-attempt way and see it that helps.

moss

 

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D-Day

Or how I learned to love the bomb…wait…

I’ve been dreading this day, the nervous anticipation of finally sharing what I’ve been striving for the last two months with family and friends.

It started out as a hair brained idea I got from reading a dumb little book but it’s grown into so much more. She-Hulk has become my new hero, along side Tina Fey and, well really only Tina Fey, but still! In the last two months I’ve tried more new things than I did probably all last year. I’ve been busting my ass to make some positive changes and while they are small and often hard to find, I have made them. I’m becoming my own hero! The person I want to be when I grow up! A third inspirational thing!

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I have plans every Tuesday now. Doctor Who’s Day has become something I look forward to all week long. I get  to watch one of my favorite shows in the company of other nerds who are becoming friends!

I’m reconnecting with old friends as well as making new ones. I had an awesome four hour lunch with Ellis Tesla and I hope to see him again, maybe even for Doctor Who’s Day one of these weeks. I talk more to friends like Gretchen and Isabel, two great ladies who I hope to continue to see more of.

Turns out I’m awesome at making up pseudonyms for people I want to keep anonymous.

I had an amazing birthday! Regardless of how I felt at times during the day, it was wonderful.

I did a cleanse of crap in my life and online. I cleaned out things from my ex, even making a little cash by selling things he gave me. I’ve resisted to urge to talk to him even though I still miss the douche bag. I cleared out my closet and book shelf, making room for bigger and better things. I purged my Facebook of people I no longer speak to, people I’ve reached out to in a time of need and was ignored, people I just kind of hate…And I was rewarded by hearing from people I never knew cared. I reached out my support and they gave it right back, just the way you’re supposed to!

Turns out I make AMAZING jam! Stay tuned for recipes in the future.

I’m taking important steps to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I’m figuring my shit out at my own pace and that’s okay.

I’m going to start trying to sell prints of my work. This goal makes me especially nervous but very excited at the same time. If I can find an outlet for my creativity that actually made me money I will be over the moon happy!

I successfully navigated the quagmire that is the health insurance marketplace. I have coverage and I am paying for it all on my own! This is a level of independence I have never had before and while I am nervous about paying things on time and figuring out what’s covered and what’s not, I’m still making payments and filling prescriptions like a BOSS.

Probably the most important achievement to me personally is that I’ve been a supportive sister and daughter to my family in what has been, for lack of a better term, a fuck ass couple months. As long as I can remember, I’ve been the one in the family with the issues. Always the sick one, out of work, quitting grad school, and having an emotional breakdown. The last few months have been really hard on my family and while I’ve struggled along side them, I haven’t completely isolated myself or took my own pain and frustration out on them. I’m not very good about sharing what’s going on with my siblings, but I’ve been making a conscious effort to be more present lately, especially to my sister RejRej. We’re two extremely different people but no matter what we’re sisters and when she had a health scare this month I am proud to say I have been there to listen to her problems and cheer her up. Now, mind you, I am extremely jealous that she got to see Garfunkel and Oates and Hannah Hart of My Drunk Kitchen all in the same month, I’m still happy she’s getting to do things to raise her spirits. I hope she feels better soon and I hope this is a new chapter in our relationship.

Alright, enough of this heartfelt, inspirational nonsense. Let’s all just sit in peace and eat a sandwich, or in this case…tacos!

 

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I’m No Artist

As long as I can remember I’ve loved art. My mom says that even as a little kid I had a grasp of color beyond my years. She tells the story of asking me what colors some of the flowers in our garden were. Apparently when asked about the pretty pink flower I said something to the effect (affect?) of “its pink but there’s also blue, and fuchsia, and has some green.”

So I was a little know it all from the start. Not that surprising.

Point being, I have always liked color. Mixing paint colors remains to this day one of my favorite activities. Something about swirling different colors together, making an entirely new shade, maybe one that no ones seen before, it’s very zen for me.

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I’ve always painted and drawn. I was lucky enough to have parents encourage me to get messy and be creative. They bought me endless art supplies, and would sign me up for classes at the community arts center. When I was little I wanted to be like Picasso. I wanted to be rich and famous and have people praise my work. I wanted to be this cool bohemian girl with paint under her nails and splattered on her party dress. I wanted to be the toast of Paris…

At the rate I’m going Van Gogh might be more accurate…

Being an “artist” is tough.  There’s not a lot of money and you have to have a thick skin to take the criticism. I don’t consider myself an artist. I am far too sensitive. I get emotionally attached to my paintings and typically only paint when I am in a heightened emotional state. I don’t want to have to explain myself or my inspiration. I am afraid of being rejected or misunderstood. I don’t want people laughing at something I poured my heart and soul into. And bottom line I’m just not that good.

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My paintings look like the “my kid could paint that” crap. Other people have said to me that I’m not that bad and have even gone so far as to say they like some of my pieces but I’m always skeptical.

Coming into the home stretch of this bizarre experiment I need one final push, so I’m taking the chance. I’ve solicited help from other artist friends for recommendations on getting high quality photos so I can sell prints. Who knows, maybe I’ll open an Etsy shop where everyone will rate me highly and I’ll be the toast of Mesa!

In the meantime, anyone who wants to check out some of my paintings can go to my online portfolio. Please keep any criticism to yourself. It’s hard enough trying to share this side of me.

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