Monthly Archives: August 2014

Back To The Future!

Again, apologies for not posting more the last few weeks. It’s been rough being out of work, broke, and feeling so sick.

But I digress…(I’ve always wanted to say that!)

delorean

Recently, in a mostly joking way I made a post on Facebook to the affect (effect?) of “Wanted: awkward nerd girl seeks similar boy for cuddling in blanket forts and back rubs. Smokers need not apply.”

Most of the time my Facebook posts go unnoticed. I don’t make a habit of posting long, emotional, political pleas. I am usually pretty guarded with things of an emotional nature and I make a point of avoiding politics and philosophy at all costs in any situation but especially on the internet.

Color me surprised when I got a whole bunch of likes and comments, particularly from an old crush, lets call him Ellis Tesla for She-Hulk’s Sake.

I had a bit of a crush on this guy in high school and we were both teased by a certain AP history teacher that we’d be a cute couple. I did like him but he had a girlfriend and was way too cool for me. For reference sake, I’m Crispin Glover and he was Marty McFly/Calvin Klein.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

If my dating life had an expression, this would be it.

Like most people, we lost touch after graduation and only occasionally spoke via Facebook so imagine my surprise when he played along with my sort-of-joking-kind-of-not-really post about looking for a date. Remembering my She-Hulk, our main character finally gets to be with her long-time, rock star crush, Ellis Tesla. Well, I’ve known this guy a long time. I did have a crush on him. He was in band…For all intents and purposes I am enacting my own little slice of fiction.

So I took the chance and gave him my number on the pretense of “catching up.” We’ll meet up, chat, maybe shit talk some people we went to school with and see who we still talk to. It should be…interesting…I have no clue if this is a date or not. There was some pretty solid flirty texting going on last night but that could just be me reading waaaaay too much into things for a change. I could really use some advice from Doc Brown here!

Whether it’s a date or not I am counting it as a win for my resolutions. I am reconnecting with an old friend which counts but I also haven’t seen him in like 8 years so I’m counting it as a new person as well.

This whole experience is really making me take a look down memory lane. How much have I changed? How much have I not changed? What would my crushes think of me now? What would my friends think of me now? Would we even be friends now if we hadn’t met in high school?

Considering when Ellis Tesla knew me I wore pj pants to school, I’m pretty confident the 26 year old me is a vast improvement over me at 17.

I'm ready for my date!

I’m ready for my date!

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The Devil Went Down To Georgia

I haven’t posted in a while because I’ve had nothing worth posting about. Still nothing on the job or relationship front. I feel stalled. Stuck. Sick. I don’t know what to do and I honestly feel so shitty don’t want to do anything.

Feeling an overwhelming lack of motivation I thought rereading The She-Hulk Diaries would be good. It was a nice reminder that setbacks happen and not to just outright give up. While it gave me some positive reinforcement, I still don’t feel particularly motivated to do much of anything.

Part of this might be due to the fact that, as I like to say, “there’s trouble down south.”

Not feeling well is part of my every day life. I have Crohn’s Disease and as an added bonus on top of that I also have arthritis. One delightful thing about auto-immune diseases; chances are good, if you have one, you’ll have another. Over the years I’ve learned to live with my body and just deal (a trait I inherited from my mother who has the same illness) but, sometimes my body has a plan of its own. For the last week or two I’ve been in what Crohnies call a “flare.” My Crohn’s has been particularly active cause a great deal of pain and frustration on my part.

Crohn’s is a delightful, sexy illness where you develop inflammation along the digestive track causing pain, narrowings, blockages, and a whole host of other wonderful side effects. As a former crush once said to me, “so basically you’re like an epic shitter?” In those less than delicate terms…sure.

Below the Mason Dixon line in my body there’s a civil war. My body attacks itself causing pain and Katrina like devastation.

It’s caused me to lose jobs, cancel dates, lose friends, miss school, pay through to nose for doctors and treatments, and overall fucked my outlook on life.

No date wants to hear about how bloated and in pain and unsexy you feel. The last thing you want to do while spending the night with someone is wreck their toilet. Farting while spooning is considered poor form. People get embarrassed when you go out to dinner and give the waiter the 3rd degree about menu items. Friendly outtings become a nightmare when you have to stop everything to find a bathroom NOW! Bosses aren’t inclined to believe you’re sick when you “don’t look sick.” “Why can’t you come in to work and just go to the bathroom” or “you’ve missed too many days already you can’t be sick again.”

It’s not that fucking simple! No one is dumping buckets of ice on their heads to find a cure for Crohn’s. No major celebrities back the cause or talk about finding a cure. It’s one of those illnesses that isn’t very sexy or popular. No one wants to talk about poop or vomit. Dixie might be calling but ain’t nobody answering.

I have always been aware that things could be a lot worse. There are those with Crohn’s much more severe than mine. I could be hospitalized with an ostomy and losing my hair. I could be down to 90 lbs and all by myself instead of having supportive family and friends around me. but still…

Being sick sucks. It hurts. It’s expensive. It messes with your head and ruins your social life.

I promise when I actually have something worth writing about I will, but for now, Crohn’s can suck my lady balls.

Me getting my remicade infusion

Me getting my remicade infusion

 

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Danny Trejo Stars In Machete 3: Garden Gloves Of Death

They say “to plant a garden is to believe in tomorrow.” What does it say when you take a machete and hack your garden to bits?

machete_trejo_md

Sometimes when life gives you lemons, the only thing you can do is take a big fucking knife and hack away at it. More on that at the bottom.

Last week was a rough week for me. My anxiety was at a new high, I was all alone, and it seemed like nothing was going my way. Shit happens. I know this better than most. Doesn’t mean I don’t throw the occasional tantrum or get drunk and skinny dip. It’s my pool, I do what I want!

Where was I?

I felt even more pressure to have some kind of results since we’ve reached the halfway point of my little social experiment. I’ve been busting my ass for a month now, trying to improve myself and stick to my resolutions with little to show for it. It’s been a frustrating road.

Still don’t have a job, haven’t even gotten any interviews.

Still single and alone. Haven’t made any new friends, let alone met someone I want to date.

Still a blob on the couch. Haven’t been working out or eating particularly well. Might actually be eating worse than usual.

My garden is being eaten to death by bugs and everything is dying.


You know what I have done though?

I’ve tried.

I haven’t quit.

I’ve gone out.

I’ve gone to meetups.

I’ve gone to Doctor Who’s Day every week.

I’ve tried new things.

I had a great birthday.

I’ve applied for jobs in spite of feeling defeated.

I’ve seen friends I haven’t seen in ages and made plans to see them again.

I’ve talked to new people and tried to make friends.

I’ve been taking care of motherfucking business even when it feels like I’m getting nowhere sitting on hold and sending emails.

I started a blog.

I haven’t totally neglected said blog.

If this picture doesn't make you feel at peace I don't know what will

If this picture doesn’t make you feel at peace I don’t know what will

So you know what, I may not have something solid to show for my effort but I have done a damn good job so far. I have a long way to go. Anyone whose been to therapy knows you’re never “fixed,” you’re never done working on yourself, but you also have to cut yourself some slack. Admittedly, this is not something I’m very good at. I am by far my worst critic. If I talked to others the way I talked to myself, well…I’d probably be a lot farther in life actually because I’d be an Anna Wintour level ballbuster…hmmm…

In honor of reaching the halfway point and not completely giving up yet, I’m cutting myself some slack.

Yes, I may have gotten fed up with my life in general. I may have taken a huge ass knife and hacked away at the rat-king, ripping it apart like I was Machete on a rampage. I may have polished off a bottle of wine by myself. I may have gotten naked and finished that bottle in the pool. I may have even texted my friend a blow-by-blow of Sharknado 2.

This all may have happened in one day…It doesn’t matter. I’m cutting myself some slack. So what if I’m feeling a little more Shulky than Jennifer Walters. Sometimes you just have to let the beast rage.

It also bares mentioning that immediately after finishing this post I saw an interview of Danny Trejo on NPR. Here’s the link to hear how Machete got his big break and got his life together after a much darker past than mine.

http://www.npr.org/2014/08/03/337134637/danny-trejo-from-the-big-house-to-the-big-screen

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The Hell Router?!

I haven’t been able to post for the last few days due to a dead router. The thing was probably older than me. I’m pretty sure the cave paintings of Lascaux depict primitive man angrily throwing it out for a new one.

cave painting

Due to overall laziness and a decent smartphone I waited a day or two before bothering to go buy a new one and then another day before I got around to installing it. We’ve established, I’m lazy. Moving on.

I spent an hour trying to get the little bitch to work. The manual reads like stereo instructions and calling India for help just made things worse.

Feeling overwhelmed and possessing a strong desire to throw the expensive piece of shit out the window I decided to walk away from it for the day; come back tomorrow with fresh eyes and some Xanax. Needless to say that didn’t happen.

What do we do when shit gets hard? When something doesn’t work? When we lose a ring? CALL MOM!!!!

Now this meant waiting for her to get back in town but when you’re as useless as me it’s no trouble at all. More than wanting her to make it work I wanted validation that I had tried everything possible and the little bastard just wouldn’t work. I don’t know as much about computers as her but I can follow directions, even when Ikea printed them.

Not only did she magically fix it but apparently all she had to do was turn the damn computer on! Apparently my mom is the Disney Princess of electronics and they just do her bidding while singing and dressing her for the ball…

If she’s the princess then I guess that makes me the ugly stepsister or at least the not entirely un-comely dysfunctional child.

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