Monthly Archives: July 2014

Bruce Banner Ain’t Got Nothin’ On Me

Okay, we’ve established that I have a LOT of free time. Last night I decided to spend some of that time playing on the fashionably enviable site Polyvore creating a wardrobe for She-Hulk. Because I can.

One of the many aspects I like about She-Hulk, specifically in The She-Hulk Diaries, is how she finds a way to balance her multiple lives and alter egos. Jennifer Walters is a shy lawyer while She-Hulk is the hero of Manhattan when the Avengers are busy doing other things. She’s tough and strong of course but she’s also brave in the face of danger, saving the world from Dr. Doom time and time again. Last but not least is everyone’s favorite party girl, Shulky. She loves to have a good time and isn’t shy about what she wants unlike Jennifer. A little loose, a little trashy, Shulky knows how to have a good time.

Clearly I have nothing better to do with my time. Clearly…

polyvore she hulk

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Fangirl Fatale: The Movie!

Okay not a movie, but I did design myself an avatar that I think represents both the dork that I am and the femme fatale I wish I was more of.

I’ve got my glasses, my war paint, and little baby unicorn nose!

Good start.

logo

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Golden Year And Golden Showers…Wait…Scratch That

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Yesterday I turned 26 on July 26th which is pretty fucking cool. For those not cool enough to know, when you turn the same age as the day you are born it’s called your “golden year.”

I’ve been looking forward to my “golden year” since  I turned 25! I’ve never been a huge fan of my birthday but the last few years I’ve tried my best to make it a good day, something to look forward to. It’s not been an easy road.

I’ve taken to saying “life is hard and full of disappointments, that’s why man created birthdays.” And it’s true. Growing up I hated my birthday. Too many disappointing days with too few friends and parents forgetting to call…but we’ll talk about my daddy issues later…I’ve never had a surprised party and I missed my chance for birthday sex the one time I had a boyfriend during my birthday.

I don’t get particularly hung up on being a year older or depressed about my age. My birthday disappointments are purely social, material, and sclfish. I always wanted that surprise party and I’m still hopeful that someday maybe I’ll get one. And that day I’ll get every amazing gift I never knew I wanted and the man of my dreams with sweep me off my feet and it’ll be one of the best days of my life…a girl can dream…

Dreams aside, this year my birthday was a pretty good day. Or couple days actually as time was divided up between parents out of town, seeing friends, and big dinners.

The actual day started off pretty slow and lonesome. I was close to giving up on the day entirely. I started to get down on myself and assumed no one would show up. Thank Glob I didn’t give up and call the whole thing off. It turned out to be a great evening filled with friends, food, games, gifts, and a TARDIS pinata.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again. I love my friends. I don’t have many but the ones I do have are pretty amazing people. They spent their Saturday night making me feel loved and I’m truly grateful to them for that.

For a kid who grew up so alone and hating her birthday, I couldn’t have asked for a better night. I mean I could have but I didn’t want to seem ungrateful.

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What Is With The Great Light In The Sky?

Can someone please explain Welcome to Night Vale to me? Seriously. I consider myself a pretty weird kid. I like random stuff. I get obscure references…But for the life of me I can’t get in to Welcome to Night Vale.

I’m picky about my podcasts. There is really only one I listen to with regularity and that’s Hollywood Babble-On. It’s hilarious, clever, and grossly inappropriate. Plus it has Kevin Smith!

I’ve been known to listen to various Nerdist podcasts and snippets from NPR but HBO is my main go to. It’s only draw back is that it’s about an hour and a half to two hours long. While I pretty much always have at least two hours of sitting around doing nothing, I don’t always want to spend that time listening to a podcast. I like that Night Vale episodes are fairly short. I can listen to one and not feel like I have to put my busy day of staring at the TV and running to the bathroom on hold.

I wish I could get into it. Does anyone out there have any opinion on WNV? Do you love it? Do you hate it? Is there another podcast you think I should give a chance?

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War Paint

warrior women

The more events and social obligations I force myself to go to lately the more I need the confidence boost. There’s only so many meetups you can go to before they start to bleed together. The people are all the same no matter if it’s “geek girls of Gilbert” or “sexy social sluts from Scottsdale.” I’ve started the ritual for myself of putting my “war paint” on before I go out.

I try to dress well and look nice for these things but that’s really fucking hard when it’s 114 out and I’m in the Crohn’s flare from hell! Waistbands are uncomfortable for me and you’re sweating in places you didn’t even know you could sweat. Arizona is a strange and miserable land. The Natives cursed this godforsaken land to burn in eternal hellfire before we forced them onto the reservations.

Or that’s my theory anyway…

So I dress like a hobo but at least I have my “war paint” on.

I’m lucky in that I inherited my mother and grandmother’s skin. Hungarian women are known for having very good skin and aging quite well sooo…fingers crossed!

Having such milky, perfect, alabaster skin I generally don’t wear any sort of foundation or powder. I used to love mascara but since I gave up on contacts and became permanently a member of the 4-eyed-club the Rimmel doesn’t make it in the makeup bag either so that leaves me with lipstick.

lipsticks

 

So with all those other items ruled out I’ve become a fan of lipstick. I subscribe to the Kissing Jessica Stein school of applying lipstick. You’ll never find that one perfect shade. Never. The art of the perfect lipstick is a layering process. I start with a lipstain which is just fun. It’s like a magic marker for your lips! Then there’s a layer of lipstick on top of that. Lastly, you need a gloss or something moisterizing to finish off the look.

It’s a pain but the result is pretty damn hot and it makes me feel empowered. When I put my “war paint” on I am ready to take on the world!

warpaint1

 

Image one via Pinterest, Chloe Dykstra, and S Moda.

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When I Grow Up I’ll Be Stable, When I Grow Up I’ll Turn The Tables…

Okay for anyone who was either too young for the 90s or just has shit taste in music the title is from Garbage’s song “When I Grow Up.” Awesome song. Made even more awesome after hearing it on Warehouse 13. Admittedly I fall into the “too young” category to have truly appreciated Garbage at their height but I like to think I have pretty good taste in music and while the 90s were horrible for fashion it did spawn some pretty phenomenal music.

It’s a song I sing to myself when I need reassurance that someday I’ll be ok. One of these days, with the help of my resolutions, I’ll figure my shit out. Get a real job. Get a boyfriend. Grow up.

NewVillager’s “Lighthouse,” and Tom Waits’ “Hold On” have a similar effect (affect?) on me. I’m the youngest in a family of overachievers. I need a lot of reassurance. Sue me.

This need for reassurance was driven home yesterday by an extremely thoughtful gift and my own fucked up brain chemistry. Next week is my birthday. I’ll be turning 26 on the 26th which is pretty fucking awesome, but more on my golden year later.

My sainted mom, who will be out of town for my bday, wanted to celebrate this weekend and gave me an incredible illustration tablet for me to use while doing graphic design.

I couldn’t believe it. The thing is huge and must have cost a fortune. I was so overwhelmed I cried. I am so excited to use it but I feel like it also put the pressure on me. There are so many things I have wasted so much time and money on only to quit. Countless clubs, classes, and jobs, stained glass, grad school…The list goes on way longer than I’m proud of and she’s stood by me through every failure, every quit job, every cut and run. Graphic design can’t be another thing that I give up on the second it gets hard.

My mom is the kind of amazing parent who supports her kids no matter what. No matter how much trouble we got in (let’s be honest we didn’t get in that much) she’s always been there, especially for me. I’m the black sheep of my family and even at almost 26, where I’m still struggling to find my place in the world, she’s never given up on me.

She gave me this amazing gift free of condition or expectation but I feel like I have to prove that it’s not going to be just another wasted investment like the week and a half I was in Speech and Debate in high school. I want to show her I can follow through on something. I can grow up and get my shit together.

Check out my new toy!

Check out my new toy!

This gift is all the more motivation to stick to my goals. I’m accountable for a very nice piece of professional equipment. It damn well better be put to good use. You can look forward to many doodles attempted on my new toy as I learn to use it. Lucky you!

She may have insisted on celebrating my birthday a week early but her’s is TODAY and I’m gonna do my damnedest to make it the best 65th birthday ever. No one is more deserving of an amazing birthday and I love love love her with all my heart.

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Someone To Dump A Body With

There are some things that are truly impossible: squaring a circle, time travel, licking your own elbow, making anything sugar-free taste good…And then there are things that seem impossible but somehow people manage to do them like the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle (which my grandfather does in PEN the show off), climbing a rope ladder, making a friend after high school…

I love my friends. I truly do. They’re amazing people I’ve known for years and I wouldn’t trade them for the world unless trading them meant I could be friends with Jennifer Lawrence. Then I’d dump those losers in a heart beat.

The people I consider my friends have been there for me through difficult times and even kept talking to me when I had to quit drinking because of my Crohn’s Disease and the fact that I got tired of doing dumb shit when drunk (i.e. ride home from stranger and bad makeout choices). There are plenty of people I’m acquainted with and according to Facebook I have lots of “friends,” but the people I count as real, hetero-lifemate, would help you dump a body kind of friends only amounts to a handful.

The problem is I feel like I’m a good 4 years behind all of my friends in terms of maturity and relationships. They all have real jobs that they manage to hold down for more than a month or two at a time and they’re all in long term relationships with really great people (for the most part). They’re buying houses and talking kids while I’m here reading comics and eating Pirate Booty. I don’t begrudge them their happiness for one second but it would be nice if they could send a little of that good joojoo my way. Making new friends after the forced socialization of high school is about as impossible as firing proton torpedoes at an exhaust port.

Part of my resolutions is to try and make some new friends and it’s seeming almost as impossible as finding a job I don’t hate. I want to expand my social group a little. See if I am in fact the last single person left in existence or it just seems that way when you’re the perpetual 3rd wheel.

So far this grand experiment hasn’t yielded great results. I’ve been rejected from 2 jobs, anxietied (copyright Amalgamated Missel Inc.) out of one interview, been metaphorically “dumped” by two guys who just up and stopped texting me, 2 panic attacks, chickened out of one meetup commitment, and essentially got stood up at another. While I give myself for points for at least trying and going to things, it would be really nice to have a win. Some positive reinforcement that pushing myself to do things that scare me and put it out on the internet for judgement hasn’t been completely in vain…

So help me out here internet. I assume if you’ve made it to the bottom of yet another mammoth post you’re on the train with me. Send me a little reinforcement, some good vibes, a little of the voodoo that you do so well! Hell even a suggestion of a place to meet people!

 

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Bookworms Need Love Too

Just a short post this time I promise.

I wanted to give a shout out to a dating site I came across that I wish was a bigger thing. It’s called alikewise.com. It’s a dating site for book lovers. You can list your favorite books and search by a favorite book or author and see what people like the same.

It’s considerably less stalkerish than okcupid and its free so major points for that. I wish more people knew about this site and used it. I think it’s a great concept. What better way to break the ice with someone than casually discussing your favorite books.

I’ve been on the site for about a week and haven’t gotten a single message. It’s such a nice idea I wish more people were active on it. Oh well, points for trying.

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Queen of the Nerds

So Saturday I paid way too much to sit in a bar in Scottsdale to feel inadequate. Keeping with my resolutions (which are basically the only reason I do anything anymore) I signed up for speed dating through meetup.com.

50 points to me. With this I closed out the week at about 300. Not too shabs.

The night wasn’t a total disaster and it got me out of the house for a couple hours but lets just say the selection of men to choose from were not aligned with my tastes. There was a wide range of “gentlemen” ranging from potential serial killer to so boring I wanted to gnaw my own hand off just to have something to do in the 5 minutes I had to sit there with them!

Where was? Ah yes, queen of the nerds.

I know I’m dorkier than the average girl. I never learned how to put on makeup, I like comics, I can name all the Ninja Turtles and their colors, and if I were ever the type of girl to have a “hall-pass” it would be for Kevin Smith not Channing Tatum. That being said, I though “geek culture” was widely accepted in mainstream society now? It was my understanding that with people like Robert Downey Jr. and Benedict Cumbercuddles staring in major films it was acceptable to let your freak flag fly and not hide what you’re a fan of?

Apparently not.

The main question people started out with at speed dating was “have you ever done anything like this before?” Why yes, I have. At comicon. It was a blast and even though I didn’t meet any guys it was fun getting to talk to a bunch of fellow nerds looking for love just like me. At this event, however, I can’t even remember how many times I had to explain what comicon was.

If I have to explain what comicon is to one more person I’m gonna punch them in the throat!

I couldn’t believe that so many people had no idea what comicon was. Almost as many people there who didn’t read, or like movies or watch TV…Fucking unbelievable!

To sum up my speed dating experience in Scottsdale; I walked away hangry with one match from a guy who called me Amy from Big Bang Theory. I didn’t know whether to be offended or not. I like Big Bang Theory. It’s an okay show. And I have respect for Mayim Bialik. She’s smart, Jewish, and survived being a child actor. Still. Before I even opened my mouth this guy was calling me Amy.

He was ok. Doubt I’ll hear from him but whatever. I was much happier going home to put on my Doctor Who slippers and my She-Hulk shirt, declaring myself Queen of the Nerds!

I have to have faith that somewhere out there is the nerd for me. Mutant and proud!

she hulk selfie

 

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Anxiety and Adipose

There are things I am incredibly nerdy about and I like to consider myself an “equal opportunity nerd,” with the exception of video games, tabletop games, LARPing, most horror, manga, and all things anime, and the gender inequity of cosplay…But I’m totally equal opportunity…

Doctor Who is my main nerdy vice, well, that and She-Hulk of course.

Anyway…

Continuing with my resolutions, I am trying to get out more and meet new people. I only have about 4 friends (that’s being generours) and they’re all married or in long term relationships that don’t require a 3rd wheel. I thought one simple way to get out more was going to my local comic store for what they call Doctor Who-sday.

I had only tried going once before with my ex who made my social anxiety look like child’s play compared to his. I remember convincing him to go only to have him breeze through the store and immediately back out. I was disappointed. I thought it looked like fun but left because I have low self-esteem I let him and his lack of social graces dictate most of our activities. Whateves, not like I sat through the ENTIRE Walking Dead series and creepy Korean mind fuck movies for him (I’m talking to you Oldboy!!!)…

doctor whosday

So months after my first attempt I decided to return. I would be my imaginary charming self and make a ton of new friends and flirt and get hit on all while watching my favorite show…Well I did get to watch my favorite show…and I think I got hit on by the guy across from me who decided to bring up Mengele and took my paper away to see what I was drawing…

Still…50 points to me for being social, I guess…

Captain Politically Correct was the only person I talked to there. The majority of other people were young attractive nerd couples and families. Most the people there seemed to know each other and socialized but as a new comer I didn’t feel all that welcomed, I mean aside from little Eichmann. Not one to invade an attractive pair of nerds nor really one for kids I kept to myself and got out of there as soon as I could.

I was a little disappointed after my 2nd Doctor Who-sday experience but at least I went. At least I took the chance to see what it was all about. I love Gotham Comics for reasons I’ll go into another time so I will definitely try again. I just may sit somewhere else.

 

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